as iv sed iv being in AA 4 8 weeks,n its really helped me alot , it must bdoin sometihng coz the rooms r keeping me sober, i have a sponsor however i just cant seem to grasp AA , im not doin wat is suggested , im not prayin ,im not readin the big book, im hardly sharin n wen i do its only 2 say hello, n wen the meetings r over im the first 2 run out, i dnt phone people n i dnt c my sponsor enough, im so scared of goin thru the steps, coz its all bout change, im so used 2 drinkin that i cant see ne other way, i havent drunk 4 2 weeks n bein sober is great, but i did a stupid thing i fell 4 sum1 in AA n its messed my head up coz i feel rejected n the only way i know how 2 block out how i feel is through a can,but i know dat 1 drink will be the end for me, n i may never come bk 2 AA again, once i drink i will never stip n its scary even to think bout drink now, but i feel so empty n confused,im ready 2 walk out of AA, but if i do will i ever come bk, will there b more years of misery n pain n prison? AA is holdin me together its like a crutch 4 me rite now n if iwalk away il collapse
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