I think the reason why I keep putting it off and not going even though I keep telling myself to and that I should and that it would be helpful, I still haven't gone or don't keep at it. for some reason I always get it into my messed up depressed head that it wont help, what can anyone say that I don't already know? if I can't help myself, how can anyone else help me? and so on. Like I'm gonna do this on my own, I know what needs to be done, I tell myself all the things I know I'll hear in counceling or AA. but yea..I've done a damn good job getting better myself haven't I? I've done nothing but mess myself up over and over again. It's not working my way. Maybe it's just actually being around a group of people like myself and feeling the fellowship that really helps right? feeling like you're not invisible, you're a part of a group, you're alive, you exist, that helps. Hearing people talk about stuff and surrounding yourself with positive sober people who know what you're going through. And counceling...just saying my thoughts aloud to someone else and having their feedback and encouragement and validating what you already know, that helps, feeling heard, actually taking action is what helps right? I need encouragement to do these things, to do alot of things, cause my depressed alky mind keeps me from it. My way hasn't work, doing it alone hasn't work, I need to let others help me and stop thinking I'm going to fix everything because apparently I haven't fixed shit and just keep going round and round in the same circle. when it comes time to go I always cancel thinking what's the point, how will it help etc. need to stop this destructive thinking.
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I'm Markus! I Have P. T. S D., Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, & Anxiety! In Other Words, I've Got ISSUES! Anyway, I Wish You All A Great Evenin'!