I posted a little about this last night. Basically, my attitude was this - if my life sucks just as much sober as it did when I drank why not drink and experience at least a few hours of relief? I was feeling very negative but I went to a meeting today and for the first time led the meeting so I would have the opportunity to choose the topic. I was a little afraid of raining on their happy little AA parade but thankfully found empathy, sympathy, and solutions. Most of the solutions centered around prayer and meditation. Something that has been sorely lacking in my life as of late. I have been giving a lot of thought to my higher power and plan to resume meditation tomorrow morning. I'm also going to call my sponsor and tell her I want to get to working on the steps. She's given me a couple assignments so far which I assume are related to step one. I feel like I'm ready to at least begin contemplating step two but I guess she knows best.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??