I am new to the alcohol support group. After struggling with alcoholism for about 3 years, and I attended a residential treatment program, and am very involved in my local AA. I worked VERY hard at achieving and maintaining my sobriety. I reached a year of sobriety on June 28, 2009. The following day, my partner and 2 daughters were camping on an island. A storm hit, he bailed out the boat, sat down at the fire and had a massive heart attack. It took the OPP Marine unit 1 1/2 hours to find us. I later found out he was gone instantly. He was 40 years old. I got back to the house, walked in, (I was awaiting word from his parents at the hospital) and immediately went to the cabinet to grab a drink. It was instant, without a conscious thought. I believe I was in shock, and just did what comes natural to me as an alcoholic. I drank the day after as well, just enough to numb myself, and still function. I came home (we had been on holidays at his parents) 2 weeks after his passing. The day after I got home, I went straight to the liquor store, and drank for 12 hours. I didn't want a buzz, I wanted oblivion. Complete oblivion. Within hours of sobering up, I knew without a doubt that I don't want that life back. I refuse to go back there. I worked too hard, and enjoy my life too much. I'm having horrible nightmares and visions of that night, and my sick alcoholic brain keeps telling me I know how to make those go away.I am going to meetings everyday, sometimes twice a day. I feel like I'm back to square one, hanging on one day at a time. I believe I can do this, get through this sober. I need to. But I need help, and I know that. Pride kept me from getting help the first time I tried to get sober, and I'm not going to struggle again. Pride be damned!
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