Many of us have avoided relationships as a natural defense mechanism during active addiction. Positive interaction with other people had virtually disappeared because of our anti-social activities. We thought that even if a meaningful relationship could exist at all, it wouldn't happen for us. The more isolated we became; the more we needed a way to feel connected with the rest of the world. Addiction stole our identities. We suppressed our emotions, feelings and dignity slowly and deliberately until we existed only as a shadow of a human being. We sought ways to regain lost dreams and abilities but we only found more loneliness and misery. Nothing that we have tried seemed to work, especially the drugs. We began to question our very existence. The initial step in relating effectively to others is to realize that we do not and can not exist in a vacuum. While we may be dependent on others for much of our sense of well-being, this does not mean that we rely on others to provide our happiness. Knowing and feeling that others care for us reinforces the desire for recovery and encourages us to reach out. The spiritual nature of recovery moves according to a precise and comprehensive plan to secure for us what we need the most. If we are praying to God to work miracles in our lives, amazing things will happen. We have been doing things backwards for so long, that down looks like up and straight lines seem crooked! Although a relationship isn't the first thing that we have to have in recovery, many of us get into one as soon as we can although we are not ready for one. We might miss having a romantic relationship just as we miss not having a car. We have difficulty in accepting that either our license is suspended or we can not buy gas, in other words our responsibility in the situation. When we work the Program, we know that our turn will come when it is time.
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