I really don't know where to strat there are so many days I don't really remeber, so I don't really remeber when it started but I know why. I was going through a really hard time in my life. My father just had a stroke and him being the sole bread winner of the family and me the only one working at that time I had to step up. All of the family issues were put square on my shoulders. I just couldn't deal with everything. It started off as just drinking on the weekends with freinds. Then I was drinking more and more. There where days when I didn't remeber getting home or most of the night and when I wake up the next morning I felt like shit, cuase I didn't know what I did or anything from that night. Then things started getting worse. My mom ended up in the hospital and couldn't work to help with the bills so I had to pick up a second job and that's when it all went south for me. I was drinking more and heavery then before. it got to a point where I felt like I wasn't a man because I couldn't support my family when they needed it the most, so I was drinking no matter what time it is. Used to wake up and the first thing I used to do was reach for a bottle. It got to a point where I almost lost my job for being drunk at work. I use to walk around with the little nip bottles of liqour in my jacket. Once I reached that point the very few freinds that I had I messed up and pushed them away from me. The most horific thing that lead to me losing everything was one night me a couple of freinds were at a bar and I was haveing a fight with my brother over the phone and my good friend A came out to see what was going on and when she grabed me to ask me I pulled away from her not knowing who it was and back handed her by total accedent and I was to far to even relize what I did I countiued fighting with my brother. I only found on what happened the next day when I was told by her and her man what I had did. Once I found out I felt lower then scum and the only way I kneqw how to deal with it was turn to the bottle and drink until I couldn't remeber. i sank it such a deep deperstion after that and all i did was drink so i didnt have to think about what i had become and hide from the truth. the only reason i stoped is becuase one day i woke up on the stairs leading up to my house sleeping in my own vomit and i fainly relized what the f**k was i doing. now i'm trying to fix everything that i messed up in my past and i really dont know if i'm strong enough to face it all. me and my freind A have just stared talk after about a year and its the most hardest thing i ever had to do in my life, to look at her and know what i did to her. the thing is i'm scared shitless about talking to her boy freind. i feel like i'm not stong enough to face him. they were the only two people in this world that i actually could trust in this world and i fucked it up totaly. Any you guys or girls have any adavice or tips to help me to face hime or atleast to start talking to him
Two weeks sober
Two weeks sober
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