You started drinking and it masked your feelings, made you numb. Then your body got used to it and it felt normal. Now you have to get rid of the numbness and learn how to enjoy life.

You make perfect sense Marianne. I had to work the 12 steps of AA to realize that the problem (or problems) was me! I only have one problem today. Me. If I only have one problem, doesn't it stand to reason that I only need one solution? I found that solution in AA. A loving God that would solve my problem! I hope that makes some sense.....

Welcome BTW.........

Marriane, I used alcohol as an emotional crutch for 20 plus years..Which turrned me into a self medicating habitul abuser of alcohol (You know my story as well as most)

..Through counselling my drinking has reduced dramtically,and I know longer Binge (even my Doc is impressed..A bit..lol)

But alcoholism as a disease (DIS EASE)..I am afraid only you can look in the mirror and answer that one

Now watch as I get labeled an alcoholic in denial..I often do, so maybe I am..all I know is I have never been happier in years..And I am close to the grave than the cradle..so thats a long time drinking Good luck, intersting post

Once you begin to work through the 12 steps you will see what many of the suggestions you are getting mean. I made sure I got into a good study like a Joe & Charley big book comes alive. remember this..

AA suggests a simple program.. it is simple
the work is HARD and you have to work it like your life depends upon it.. because alocholism is the one disease that we have control over our treatment.. our diagnosis.. and all you have to do is not take the first drink.. it is your choice to never drink again but if you have resentments sooner or later they will bite you in the rear..

when you work the 12 steps you begin to deal with each issue, hurt, pain, and find out the things you know about yourself and many of the things you dont.. You will begin to see how working the steps are in a way to living..

yes you make sense. I got to a point where I drank because I was hopelessly addicted-and nothing could stop me, figuring out why I started did not matter anymore. That said, now that I am not addicted I am working on the screwed up stuff in me-helps me to be sober AND at peace AND not want to escape as much at all. I am an alcoholic though, and I must always be on guard no matter how emotionally "healthy" I get.

Its part of getting better but there's more - at least in my case. I believe that, as an alcoholic, my body reacts differently to alcohol than other people. Even though I initially began drinking because of my screwed up head I quickly became addicted. Because of my sensitivity to the addiction of alcohol I cannot have ANY. Once the cobwebs of active alcoholism were cleared away I was able to address my mental issues and these days I rarely feel the urge to drink. Even when I do I just remind myself what an unpleasant person alcohol makes me. I'd much rather be happy, capable, and responsible.