Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

4,082 Members
33,709 Posts
0 Online
Addiction & Recovery
/ Alcoholism Support Group

12 step work (what do you think?)

deleted_user
deleted_user
Yesterday, I went on a 12-step call to help my niece. This is the 4th time I've got her into the 1/2 way house (she's only 20 years old and her disease has progressed rapidly). When I picked her yesterday, it was worse than anytime I've seen her. She just had the clothes on her back (like looking in the mirror). The scenario went that I picked up in a public place (yes, by myself) but spoke w/ someone in recovery on the way there and after I dropped her off. I did not feel my sobriety was threatened. Everyone one in the family was relieved that she was safe. There was one alteration.. my bf. He said I committed a cardinal sin (12th step alone) and that I should had someone go w/ me. Due to time constraints this was not possible. I spent an evening conversation w/ him and somehow was feeling bad for helping another alcoholic. His thoughts (enabling), my thoughts (saving a life). Anyway, I spoke w/ my sponsor and she felt the way I handled it was the right thing. Here's the kicker... He said if I found 5 people w/ more than 2 years recovery to back up my actions, he would back off. My sponsor is 1.

I really don't need affirmation that I did the right thing (well kind of, you know we like to be right...lol) but I believe I allowed God to use me because she's safe now. She's got a day sober & alive. But anyway, I thought this would be a good topic discussion anyway...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Actually its none of his business that is between you and you're sponsor. I believe you did the right thing. I had 12 yrs but relapsed for 3 yrs now i have 1 year. What i do know about being around the program so long is that couples that get into each other's program's usually don't last. He should have given you a big hug.Nobody needs to back you up if you believe you did the right thing then you did. take care.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Unfortunately, we sometimes take the "suggestions" given us too seriously - we forget to temper them with good judgement. Its suggested that two people go as a matter of both safety and liability; if the person you 12 stepped was unknown to you, and possibly violent, he was absolutely correct. On the other hand, given it was someone you knew, and other people ( your family ) were aware of what was going on I personally believe you acted in her best interests. A suggestion for the future - call your sponsor FIRST - then you'll know for sure where you stand going in. Thank you for helping another drunk. Rusty22
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sunshine3,
I agree with rusty.We can be a little anal when it comes to taking the suggestions too literally.Afterall it was your niece.Taking of family is our responsibilty not a suggestion.What would he have done if the shoe was on the other foot? Sounds like hes making a mountain out of a molehill. Thank God your niece is safe and that shes got an Aunt that is looking out for her. Go with God. Greg G
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so new to AA but I have heard something read at every meeting about these are guidelines and we're not saints? I agree with everyone so far too. IT IS FAMILY. That overrides everything. If AA or someone at AA started telling me I can't see, speak, or help my family, or something like that, out the door, I'd go. Family is family. Nobody can heal without a family.

I think you rock and did what was right in your heart. Yup, and she called the person she trusted most, you. You rose to the occassion and did what needed to be done. You're a wonderful human being and Auntie.
deleted_user
deleted_user
the big book says we can go any place on earth if we are spiritually fit and working a good program and it is for the right reasons. yeah we should take someone with us if necessary. i believe that the big book also says they could send me to the polar ice cap and if i wanted to drink there i would find a way. I commend you for your actions keep up the good work.
ktharp423
ktharp423
I'm not going to tell you if that was right or not. I find it interesting that with everything you've gone through with your family and 12 stepping, your only question is, "wasn't I right?"
For what it's worth, your bf is way too judgemental and I agree with Mike, this is between you and your sponsor. I hope you get enough votes to get your bf off your back.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi, I'm sweetjoanne. As a recoverying alcohlic of 32 years of recovery one day at a time with the love and support of AA, I am grateful to be sober. God should lead you to do the right thing when helping someone. It is wise I believe that two heads are better then one. I am grateful that you made it to the rehape and helped your friend. But in the furture I would not go alone on a 12 step call because the dease is cunning, baffling and powerful. Why put yourself at risk? I hope you go to many AA meetings that will help you stay sober, and have a great life.
Sweetjoanne
deleted_user
deleted_user
i am also relatively new to aa. but i would certainly hope that if i was in the position that your niece was in someone would help me. i have relyed on my family for alot of things. my sobriety is one of them. they are a huge support system for me. they know what's best for me, even when i don't. sometimes family is all that we have. i think you totally did the right thing. i think your sponsor is right. she sounds like a good one. do what you feel is the right thing. especially when it comes to family.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The replies you have got are right ,if you feel you did the right thing foryour niece then you did ,Your boy friend should not be judging you for your actions ,i agree that if it happens again phone your sponcer first ,she sounds a good one .the only thing for me is i have a daughter who has a drink problem ,and i have spoke to my sponcer ,and she is willing to 12 step her if and when she surrenders ,as i am far to close to her ,she knows all about AA i have been in the fellowship 23 yrs one day at a time ,but she has to take the first step herself i can only pray for her ,well done you for helping your niece xxx
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well I agree with you that in fact you were not alone, God was with you every step of the way. It is hard when it's family. Makes me wonder if it had not been her cousin would she have went? I agree with sweet on the two head are better than one idea but this wasn't a stranger it was family. All turned out well it sound so God's will was done. That is always a God sign of whether we are doing the next right thing. God Bless and I will keep your cousin in my prayers.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have your back on that... I'd do the same thing for any one of my family members... I almost did but the window closed before I could.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: kisses2016
    7992
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
  • Rizen

    Walk a Day

    Posted by: Rizen
    Last Reply: mujicaptsd
    2634
    I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...