Alcohol Recovery Without 12 Steps Community Group

This group was created to explore various recovery paths for Alcoholism. We generally chose to explore paths outside of the AA model, or ones which incorporate, but are not limited to AA. Anyone wanting to learn and explore how to become free from alcohol addiction are welcome. Our main goal is to support each other with compassion and decency, while remaining open minded...

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My Day Two-Again

deleted_user
deleted_user
As most of you know, I have relapsed so many times. This is my day two, and, of course, I feel like crap from the withdrawal.

I realize in the process of continual drinking these past three years, I have lost all sense of reason and feelings. And I have made some really bad decisions I deeply regret because of my alcohol soaked brain. I'm tormented by guilt and regret, so I drink more to make the pain go away. Each day I go through all of these ever changing moods and thoughts: I love my boyfriend--no I don't, I want to move out. I want to move back to my home state--no, I don't. I want a job--I don't want a job. My depression and anxiety have only gotton worst with alcohol. All this mental mush because of a stupid liquid in a bottle.

I am planning to go back to visit my sick mom in Michigan, even though I have no idea where I will stay yet. I have no money at the moment either, even for the plane ticket. I have to really get and stay sober this time to make some rational plans and decisions. I don't want to live sick and in confusion most of the time any longer. The fun of drinking is long gone. My character flaws I must work on is gaining maturity and learning to be a responsible adult instead of looking for the quick, easy fix. My mother and ex husband really spoiled me rotten, where I wasn't held accountable for much, and I took advantage of them enabling my bad behaviors, long before I ever started to drink.

I realize much of my drinking has been due to wanting to avoid difficult situations and bad feelings, but they just get worst the more I drink.

Thanks again to everyone who gives me support here. I'm very grateful you haven't all given up on me.

Sorry this is so lengthy.
deleted_user
deleted_user
LL, congrats on day two. Sometimes I feel like a broken record, but a lot of people have been posting lately who are going through their first few days or weeks and I vividly remember what it was like. The real work begins over the next few days, okay? Days 3-5 can be kind of tough and it varies for everyone. Just make sure you know it in advance, and come up with a plan to stay sober during those days. If you can make it through that first week or two, I think you'll feel a lot better.. Tell yourself that "this is day two and I don't ever want to go through a day two again". Same thing tomorrow (day 3). It's not easy, but it does eventually get easier.

I don't know what your overall habit was like, but be careful of withdrawals okay? I don't want to see you going through the DT's or anything. If you can tell a doctor, then do it. If you DO get DT's, go to an emergency room.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I second what he said. I spent hours online researching the bodily effects of drinking and withdrawal. Google any combo of words and you'll find all kinds of stuff.

MyWayOut.com had some good supplement info. You were asking the other day. That site is geared toward women from a woman who isn't into the steps.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, thank you, Gunthar. In detox and rehab no one ever told me about how badly I would feel is normal, especially the mental part and not sleeping. At least, I know what to expect now intellectually; it will be a painful, gradual process.

I had a vocational training class yesterday, which I somehow managed to get through (First Day Sober) despite my mental state, repeated trips to the bathroom for diarrhea and shakiness. (I told the person in charge I had the stomach flu) I am supposed to go again to the class on Thursday and Friday. I hope I will feel well enough to make it those days. Even if I don't feel great, it will give me something to do as opposed to being alone and bored in the house all day, where I have too much time to think.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Congrats on the day 2. Stick with your program and things will work out ok.
Group FounderJanMichelle2002
JanMichelle2002
I hope this will be your last day 2, Luna. I know how hard you're struggling with this. I know that YOU know that the alcohol only makes the anxiety and depression worse. Think how great it will be to go back to you home state and be able to make clear-headed, informed decistions about your mom. I have a feeling the place to stay will work itself out.

I am so pulling for you -- we all are!

I worry about you detoxing alone too - pls seek medical help if you need it -- instead of starting up again.

I am sending tons of positive thoughts and prayers your way - try and feel them, OK?
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