Alcohol Recovery Without 12 Steps Community Group
This group was created to explore various recovery paths for Alcoholism. We generally chose to explore paths outside of the AA model, or ones which incorporate, but are not limited to AA. Anyone wanting to learn and explore how to become free from alcohol addiction are welcome. Our main goal is to support each other with compassion and decency, while remaining open minded...
As most of you know, I have relapsed so many times. This is my day two, and, of course, I feel like crap from the withdrawal.
I realize in the process of continual drinking these past three years, I have lost all sense of reason and feelings. And I have made some really bad decisions I deeply regret because of my alcohol soaked brain. I'm tormented by guilt and regret, so I drink more to make the pain go away. Each day I go through all of these ever changing moods and thoughts: I love my boyfriend--no I don't, I want to move out. I want to move back to my home state--no, I don't. I want a job--I don't want a job. My depression and anxiety have only gotton worst with alcohol. All this mental mush because of a stupid liquid in a bottle.
I am planning to go back to visit my sick mom in Michigan, even though I have no idea where I will stay yet. I have no money at the moment either, even for the plane ticket. I have to really get and stay sober this time to make some rational plans and decisions. I don't want to live sick and in confusion most of the time any longer. The fun of drinking is long gone. My character flaws I must work on is gaining maturity and learning to be a responsible adult instead of looking for the quick, easy fix. My mother and ex husband really spoiled me rotten, where I wasn't held accountable for much, and I took advantage of them enabling my bad behaviors, long before I ever started to drink.
I realize much of my drinking has been due to wanting to avoid difficult situations and bad feelings, but they just get worst the more I drink.
Thanks again to everyone who gives me support here. I'm very grateful you haven't all given up on me.
Sorry this is so lengthy.
I realize in the process of continual drinking these past three years, I have lost all sense of reason and feelings. And I have made some really bad decisions I deeply regret because of my alcohol soaked brain. I'm tormented by guilt and regret, so I drink more to make the pain go away. Each day I go through all of these ever changing moods and thoughts: I love my boyfriend--no I don't, I want to move out. I want to move back to my home state--no, I don't. I want a job--I don't want a job. My depression and anxiety have only gotton worst with alcohol. All this mental mush because of a stupid liquid in a bottle.
I am planning to go back to visit my sick mom in Michigan, even though I have no idea where I will stay yet. I have no money at the moment either, even for the plane ticket. I have to really get and stay sober this time to make some rational plans and decisions. I don't want to live sick and in confusion most of the time any longer. The fun of drinking is long gone. My character flaws I must work on is gaining maturity and learning to be a responsible adult instead of looking for the quick, easy fix. My mother and ex husband really spoiled me rotten, where I wasn't held accountable for much, and I took advantage of them enabling my bad behaviors, long before I ever started to drink.
I realize much of my drinking has been due to wanting to avoid difficult situations and bad feelings, but they just get worst the more I drink.
Thanks again to everyone who gives me support here. I'm very grateful you haven't all given up on me.
Sorry this is so lengthy.
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
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This weekend is the unofficial start of the Summer so... let's compile the greatest summer themed playlist! Add songs that makes references to the season itself or anything attributed with the summer like dealing with the heat, going to the beach, having fun in the sun, water sports, barbecues, kids being out of school, going on vacations, et al.
I don't know what your overall habit was like, but be careful of withdrawals okay? I don't want to see you going through the DT's or anything. If you can tell a doctor, then do it. If you DO get DT's, go to an emergency room.
MyWayOut.com had some good supplement info. You were asking the other day. That site is geared toward women from a woman who isn't into the steps.
I had a vocational training class yesterday, which I somehow managed to get through (First Day Sober) despite my mental state, repeated trips to the bathroom for diarrhea and shakiness. (I told the person in charge I had the stomach flu) I am supposed to go again to the class on Thursday and Friday. I hope I will feel well enough to make it those days. Even if I don't feel great, it will give me something to do as opposed to being alone and bored in the house all day, where I have too much time to think.
I am so pulling for you -- we all are!
I worry about you detoxing alone too - pls seek medical help if you need it -- instead of starting up again.
I am sending tons of positive thoughts and prayers your way - try and feel them, OK?