I went to jail again last thursday evening for AA meetings with some of the prisoners there. The first is going to prison soon and wants to get aquainted with AA as TDC has drug and alcohol violaters do the program in prison. He realy didn't want to quit, I asked if he would do meth if he got out tommorow. He said in a New York minute. Even though his life was down the shitter he didn't care at all. He had crapped on everyone he knew and his family and didn't give a damn about them. The second fellow has been in and out of the program for about 5 years, he's realy devout when in jail and sober but when he gets out, he's drunk and drugging to beat the band, but he sounds sincere as hell and talks like he wants it, I asked him if he was done with the booze and meth, he said yes but he has said the same before. We'll see. The third is a young guy who was cooking and using meth, and had miltiple charges pending, his mom quit heroin and alcohol years ago and tries to help him but doesn't enable him in any way. He quit alcohol, cocaine, and prescription pills, but he say's he can't leave the meth alone. He knows he most likely will die from it but the hold it has on him is strong enough that he don't care. I told him the message that he never had to use again, and could have a happy life. He laughed and said he wishes that was true. The fourth guy knew he needed to change but had no idea what to do or where to turn. He couldn't imagine his life with out alcohol or drugs. I told him I felt the same way once but now I can imagine my life sober and clean. He said your just an alcoholic not a drug addict too. I then told him I had a felony conviction for possesion of speed.and I had stuck a needle in my arm for the last time in 1983. I traded the needle for a bottle. Smart huh. This guy is sitting on the fence and may have to hit a lower rock bottom than he has hit so far. The last fellow had tried to commit suicideand beat his wife and kid. When he got clean and sober and did 16 months in prison, he realised he didn't want to die or be on the state lunch program any more. He has a good attitude and may make good for himself. The thing I see with most of these guys was that they were not done drinking and drugging and would have to suffer some more before they were ready to be done with it. I had to do five sperate meetings with each one of these guys. I'm not doing it for them I am doing it for me. Trying to help other keeps me sober. It gets me out of my head and the shit inside for a while. If you ask me am I done now??? I can say yes I am done.
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