hi, my name is louise, im new to this group but i have been a member of the group for families & friends of addicts for a few weeks. really i just need to vent my frustration & talk to ppl who know where im coming from because i dont want my family & friends to avoid me just because im not on top form at the moment. il try make it as short as i can so here goes. i was with my fiance for 3 1/2 yrs. he has been addicted to cocaine/alcohol for the last year, he used coke before we met just for recreational use which was every week end. Just over a year ago he started taking it every day bc i found out he was having an affair with his ex gf. i was heartbroken but he begged me to give him another chance, he told me he felt guilty bc she gave up her home to live with him then when he met me (we were friends at the time) he realised he didnt want to be with her so she moved into rented accomodation with her daughter, he felt guilty that she was living in a small run down house so he let her move back in his house. he lived with me but told me his step daughter was living at his place with her bf, i thought nothing of it until his ex called me one night & told me they were back together. He cried as they do & told me he hadnt loved her for years, she also told me he never told her he loved her. after lots of talking & crying i decided to give it a go. we got engaged & planned to marry this year. straight away he started using coke /alcohol bc he was stressed, i was still in a world of my own trying to get over what had happened so i didnt take any notice of him using. when i did notice he said it was bc of stress & he couldnt handle the guilt of what he,d done to me. his ex moved into her own place & he gave her Â£10,000 (around $18.000)to set up her new home. we were happy & planned to rent both our homes out & buy together. we rented his place out but as the year moved on his addiction got worse, it was always the same, just one more night. in the end we talked & decided it was best he moved back to his bc the tenant had moved out, i have 2 girls & we didnt want them to suffer, his behaviour wasnt normal but he wasnt abusive or nasty, just never moved from the bedroom only to go to work. well he moved in his own place & we kept in touch every day. i got him a therapist & he seemed to be optimistic. he told me every day that he loved me so much & this was for us. one night he txt to tell me how much he loved me then i never heard anything for a few days, when i contacted him he dropped the bomb shell that he had no feelings for me. he changed into a different person. he said he didnt know why. i was in a terrible mess. i left him alone then 2 weeks later he txt me 2 see how i was. after that we txt every night for the next 6 weeks. he said he needed time to recover but bc the txts were late at night i knew he was still using.this went on for 6 weeks. he kept asking to come to see me but i said$$ no bc he was still drugged. beginning of dec 08 i got a call from a friend to tell me he,d moved his ex back with in with him. i was heartbroken. i tried to contact him but he wouldnt reply, he knew id found out. i had such a bad time over the following weeks, he was ringing my mobile phone under a withheld number but would hang up when i answered. i knew it was him bc i could hear him say id answered. the last call was xmas eve. iv heard nothing since. i havent contacted him either but i know he hasnt used since his last call around 5/6 weeks ago. im still devastated & find iy so hard to get over bc he loved me so much then a week later felt nothing. he was so loving & worshipped me & made sure i knew he did right up untill the week before he changed. i never felt unloved or no sign of him wanting to be out of the relationship. i stood by him through alot & we always said nothing will break the bond we have but it looks like this has. im devastated. its a long story but the first time iv told the whole story. days are getting slightly better but i miss him so much & so does my kids.
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