I know this is lengthy, but I really need someone to listen to me. I need to tell someone about this. I'm having such a difficult time after trying to set a boundary and then have it all turn against me.
Every holiday has mostly been at my house with my large family. It always seemed to happen that way, because my house was more accomodating for everyone to fit. However, I need a break. When I was really mentally messed up everyone came here, because I did not have it in me to say no. It always messed me up afterwards. Most of the time I'd either end up in the hospital or start cutting again. I am socially uncomfortable with a lot of people in my house, but now that I am starting to stand on my own two feet, I do not want to be the host anymore.
My therapist and I talked about it and she said I have the choice whether or not to everyone here. Thanksgiving...My son will be in town so of coarse they will be here. My brother in law had no place to go with his children. So, I invited him here. My sister calls me from out of town and wanted to know what I was doing, I let her know that I wanted it to be small. So, she got the hint and decided to do somthing else. My brother text me to see what I was doing. I told him I was having a small gathering, because I thought he was going to his in laws.
That all blew up in my face. He told my sister and she called me. "How would you feel if Frank had thanksgiving with part of the family and did not invite you?" was a guilt flinging question. I simply said that I just wanted it small. because I am not able to handle a lot of people in my house right now. I thought that Frank had other options.
He's mad at me now. They will be having Thanksgiving by themselves. Now I feel really bad.
My therapist said that I was acting in a healthy way by setting some boundaries with my family, they are not used to that. So, now I'm the out cast of the family.
Has anyone else try to set some boundaries and have it all smack you in the face to follow? I have been having panick attacks since this happended! My heart is broken.
For those of you that reached out to me today I want to say thank you. Your encouragement calmed my heart. I took a nap and I'm feeling a little bit better. I'm still struggling, but being able to let it out here is so comforting that someone is actually listening and cares! Thanks again!!
I'm so depressed right now. I have a lump in my throat and feel like crying, but it's stuck in my thoat. I do not want to go into all the details that I'm struggling with, but I just need to know that someone understands me.