today i was due to meet the blacksmith at 12pm.ive known for a week..ive been confident that i will be ok this time to travel the mile to my field..i have strengthened myself and prepared that this time my poor hubby wont be the one to sort my horses feet as he has no knowledge of them or feelings for them...but as 12pm approaches,my stomache starts churning,my breathing becomes hard leading to dizziness and heart palpitations..and at 12pm i wave my husband off on his short journey of 1 mile to see the blacksmith...he will be back within half an hour..i will put the kettle on and he can tell me all about it...while hes gone,i will cry so much,i dont feel i will stop..my guilt ridden body will tense..ive failed again...im a total waste of space....but tomorrow will be ok,i will be strong enough to feed my horses myself..specially as i dont have to meet anyone...
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