Adult Children of Alcoholics Community Group
A Support Group for Adult Children of Alcoholics
I wasted most of my life feeling like a victim.
The thing that helped me most was to wear a rubber band or a pony tail elastic on my wrist.
Whenever I started feeling victimized &/or thinking negative thoughts, I would snap the rubber band. I'd watch myself do it until I realized the full intent.
It would snap my mind back into REALITY.
FACT: We're all victims because of our families & it's time to try to turn it around & see THEM as the victims.
The thing that helped me most was to wear a rubber band or a pony tail elastic on my wrist.
Whenever I started feeling victimized &/or thinking negative thoughts, I would snap the rubber band. I'd watch myself do it until I realized the full intent.
It would snap my mind back into REALITY.
FACT: We're all victims because of our families & it's time to try to turn it around & see THEM as the victims.
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I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
OK .... so what I wrote was about my birthday the week before last. I went out after some friends took me out to lunch and ran an errand in my new birthday dress that my mom had sent me.
I don't have a lot of clothes that I can wear because I was put on a med last year that puffed me up (grrrr) and I can't lose the weight and I am SO SELF CONSCIOUS of it (I am a victim there, too, lol!!).
Anyway, so I have this cute new dress on and I run into Fed Ex to run an errand I could have run the next day but I was being a "good girl." I brush up against the counter and some idiot had smeared BUTTER against the counter -- BUTTER!!??
So now I have a huge -- and I mean HUGE -- grease stain against not only a new dress and one of the only pieces of clothing that now fits me but a BIRTHDAY dress. baggage .....
And I just crumbled.
And I felt that God was just punishing me. Immediately. That is where I go -- victim.
And I didn't HAVE to be there. I kept crying -- why did I go to Fed Ex?? Why didn't I wait until the next day? And my birthday was ruined!! It doesn't help that I am chronically depressed AND bipolar. AND an ACOA.
I did pick myself back up but ... that is where I go straight to victim.
I am doing it right now too in regards to my weight gain. I am doing everything I can to lose the weight that the lithium put on. I was exercising, i was eating sensibly and healthfully. Well ... I don't need to go into it ... but, suffice it to say, I have trouble NOT living in Victimville. I struggle to stay out.
I honestly have this belief that if I am happy "God" (or the powers that be) will see me and my happiness just won't do so I will have to be "struck down!" Seriously. Because it seems like whenever I am happy -- even for just the smallest bit -- something bad happens.
Do not worry, my ACOA friends, I am on my way to see a new therapist just this afternoon (yea!). So, obviously this is about to be dealt with.
I also have been out of my ACOC 12-step group for too long -- but I've been too sick to go to meetings since February. So I have been really noticing a slippage back to victimhood.
The only way I could come to terms with my parents was to think about how they were raised.
My mom's mom, my favorite grandma, divorced her husband when her kids were little & she did whatever she could to feed them. Prostitution?
I never met my mom's father but I had the best step grandpa in the world.
My mom & uncle had severe tempers. I feel that they had the same chances I did to get professional help & they didn't or wouldn't. Instead, they bullied my dad & me.