Adult Children of Alcoholics Community Group
A Support Group for Adult Children of Alcoholics
I wasted most of my life feeling like a victim.
The thing that helped me most was to wear a rubber band or a pony tail elastic on my wrist.
Whenever I started feeling victimized &/or thinking negative thoughts, I would snap the rubber band. I'd watch myself do it until I realized the full intent.
It would snap my mind back into REALITY.
FACT: We're all victims because of our families & it's time to try to turn it around & see THEM as the victims.
The thing that helped me most was to wear a rubber band or a pony tail elastic on my wrist.
Whenever I started feeling victimized &/or thinking negative thoughts, I would snap the rubber band. I'd watch myself do it until I realized the full intent.
It would snap my mind back into REALITY.
FACT: We're all victims because of our families & it's time to try to turn it around & see THEM as the victims.
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
OK .... so what I wrote was about my birthday the week before last. I went out after some friends took me out to lunch and ran an errand in my new birthday dress that my mom had sent me.
I don't have a lot of clothes that I can wear because I was put on a med last year that puffed me up (grrrr) and I can't lose the weight and I am SO SELF CONSCIOUS of it (I am a victim there, too, lol!!).
Anyway, so I have this cute new dress on and I run into Fed Ex to run an errand I could have run the next day but I was being a "good girl." I brush up against the counter and some idiot had smeared BUTTER against the counter -- BUTTER!!??
So now I have a huge -- and I mean HUGE -- grease stain against not only a new dress and one of the only pieces of clothing that now fits me but a BIRTHDAY dress. baggage .....
And I just crumbled.
And I felt that God was just punishing me. Immediately. That is where I go -- victim.
And I didn't HAVE to be there. I kept crying -- why did I go to Fed Ex?? Why didn't I wait until the next day? And my birthday was ruined!! It doesn't help that I am chronically depressed AND bipolar. AND an ACOA.
I did pick myself back up but ... that is where I go straight to victim.
I am doing it right now too in regards to my weight gain. I am doing everything I can to lose the weight that the lithium put on. I was exercising, i was eating sensibly and healthfully. Well ... I don't need to go into it ... but, suffice it to say, I have trouble NOT living in Victimville. I struggle to stay out.
I honestly have this belief that if I am happy "God" (or the powers that be) will see me and my happiness just won't do so I will have to be "struck down!" Seriously. Because it seems like whenever I am happy -- even for just the smallest bit -- something bad happens.
Do not worry, my ACOA friends, I am on my way to see a new therapist just this afternoon (yea!). So, obviously this is about to be dealt with.
I also have been out of my ACOC 12-step group for too long -- but I've been too sick to go to meetings since February. So I have been really noticing a slippage back to victimhood.
The only way I could come to terms with my parents was to think about how they were raised.
My mom's mom, my favorite grandma, divorced her husband when her kids were little & she did whatever she could to feed them. Prostitution?
I never met my mom's father but I had the best step grandpa in the world.
My mom & uncle had severe tempers. I feel that they had the same chances I did to get professional help & they didn't or wouldn't. Instead, they bullied my dad & me.