Adoption Support Group

Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Whether you are looking to adopt, putting your child up for adoption, parenting an adopted child, or just thinking about it, this is the place to discuss.

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threatened and jealousy

deleted_user
deleted_user
Ok so i need help understanding my amom. She says that she isn't threatened or jealous of my bmom. How can you not be? How can she look at me and see how much i love this woman and not be jealous or feel like i'm replacing her. I'm asking anyone on advice but a parents insight would be great. I just want to really know. I don't want to hurt.
deleted_user
deleted_user
She is probably not threatened because she is the one who raised you and, no matter what happens, she will remain the one you think of as "mom" the rest of your life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with noahsmommy, regardless of how infatuated I was when i first found my bmom, my amom will always be my mom. I call bmom "Mom", amom is "Mama" I love them both. Even though there was an automatic bond between me and mom, that doeant replace the 32 years my amom has been here. I would think you amom is telling you these things to be supportive. You should be thankful. My amom cant stand for me to talk about bmom
deleted_user
deleted_user
As an AMom, I have very distinct feelings about the kid's BMom. (I'm sure is mostly because of the negative history between us and has nothing to do with the kids.) Actually, the love and respect that I have for her is because of the kids. My desire for them to have a healthy relationship with her far outweighs any negative feelings I have. I have absolutely no problem putting our past aside so that they can bond with her. I love them that much.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Take your amom for her word. Not being jelous means that your relationship is solid and therefore she has nothing to fear.
treetree
treetree
Loving your bmom will never change how you feel about your smom. She knows that and you being woried that you will hurt her feelings shows just how much you do love her.
DrDuke
DrDuke
Before I adopted, I had the typical fears about birthparents. But after getting educated about open adoption, and finally adopting in an open adoption, I realize that all the stereotypical fears are pretty fictional.

Why would we not allow the birthfamily to love our children, just as much as I allow my sisters to love their nieces? I am not jealous of grandparents, so why be jealous of birthparents or birthgrandparents?

Anyone who loves my children should be allowed to love them openly.
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