Adoption Support Group
Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Whether you are looking to adopt, putting your child up for adoption, parenting an adopted child, or just thinking about it, this is the place to discuss.
My oldest has no memories of being held or loved.
She suffered mental torture, starvation, being left alone and witnessed physical violence just to name a few. She has always said that she will go back to her birth mother regardless to have a relationship and she prays for her to change.
The birth mother lives in a potentially dangerous situation. Her family is notorious for their abusive and unlawful ways. There have been other children in the extended family that have been given up for adoption after abuse was found. Now my children have a birth sister who is allowed to stay with the mother. My daughter thinks that this is because her mom has changed. She does not realize that she was taken away because of the physical violence in the home and the the mental torture was never investigated because she never told.
Personally, I am screaming from the inside out. I have dealt with nightmares,attachment issues, developmental delays, self destructive behavior,etc just to see it all happen again.
Before someone says it, Some people do change, I agree but when they change, they get out of the abusive situations they live in. This womans mother is an abuser too. they are still very close as well as maintaining relationships with drug dealers etc. There are also some very sick relationships going on. I won't say more about that. The point is that minus one violent person, the situation that existed before is here again.
This is what I have to look forward to.
1. In three to 5 years another tramatized child will come up for adoption.
2. In about 5 years, my daughter will go hunting for her birth mother and her baby sister. She will be trapped in order to help her sister, she will have to compromise her own life goals and possibly compromise my whole family. Drugs and carnal knowledge will be introduced to my kids. My daughter will make excuses for the behavior of her birth mother for a time, just to get her love and approval. Finally when my daughter gets tired of being pulled and pushed, she will rescue her baby sister and ask me to be there for her. Or she will never be able to prove the abuse and be pulled forever.
The amount of time between the beginning and the end of the second senerio depends greatly upon how I raise her.
I have thought about ways to help the little one but I do know that attempts in my childrens past were met with the helper being misused. I do not want to be an enabler. I also do not want to be a persecuter of anyone. I do know that the level of mental abuse and neglect was so bad that the other adoptive parents at the meeting dropped their jaws when a couple of parents were talking about our childrens birth cousins. We didn't say a word.
If things weren't so bad, I would not mind sibling visitation, but the truth is there are many things that my younger children would not understand about these people. Children gain their ethics at young age these days and they are easily persuaded to accept anything an adult says or does.
Does anyone out there have experience in knowing the birthparents and living in the same area?
I know that this birth mother thinks she did nothing wrong save being a little too high and living with a violent man. I know that my daughter has made excuses for her but there is no excusing the fear that my daughter fights everyday the fear that her mother gave to her.
She suffered mental torture, starvation, being left alone and witnessed physical violence just to name a few. She has always said that she will go back to her birth mother regardless to have a relationship and she prays for her to change.
The birth mother lives in a potentially dangerous situation. Her family is notorious for their abusive and unlawful ways. There have been other children in the extended family that have been given up for adoption after abuse was found. Now my children have a birth sister who is allowed to stay with the mother. My daughter thinks that this is because her mom has changed. She does not realize that she was taken away because of the physical violence in the home and the the mental torture was never investigated because she never told.
Personally, I am screaming from the inside out. I have dealt with nightmares,attachment issues, developmental delays, self destructive behavior,etc just to see it all happen again.
Before someone says it, Some people do change, I agree but when they change, they get out of the abusive situations they live in. This womans mother is an abuser too. they are still very close as well as maintaining relationships with drug dealers etc. There are also some very sick relationships going on. I won't say more about that. The point is that minus one violent person, the situation that existed before is here again.
This is what I have to look forward to.
1. In three to 5 years another tramatized child will come up for adoption.
2. In about 5 years, my daughter will go hunting for her birth mother and her baby sister. She will be trapped in order to help her sister, she will have to compromise her own life goals and possibly compromise my whole family. Drugs and carnal knowledge will be introduced to my kids. My daughter will make excuses for the behavior of her birth mother for a time, just to get her love and approval. Finally when my daughter gets tired of being pulled and pushed, she will rescue her baby sister and ask me to be there for her. Or she will never be able to prove the abuse and be pulled forever.
The amount of time between the beginning and the end of the second senerio depends greatly upon how I raise her.
I have thought about ways to help the little one but I do know that attempts in my childrens past were met with the helper being misused. I do not want to be an enabler. I also do not want to be a persecuter of anyone. I do know that the level of mental abuse and neglect was so bad that the other adoptive parents at the meeting dropped their jaws when a couple of parents were talking about our childrens birth cousins. We didn't say a word.
If things weren't so bad, I would not mind sibling visitation, but the truth is there are many things that my younger children would not understand about these people. Children gain their ethics at young age these days and they are easily persuaded to accept anything an adult says or does.
Does anyone out there have experience in knowing the birthparents and living in the same area?
I know that this birth mother thinks she did nothing wrong save being a little too high and living with a violent man. I know that my daughter has made excuses for her but there is no excusing the fear that my daughter fights everyday the fear that her mother gave to her.
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