Adoption Support Group
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I got a letter from my "daughter" yesterday. She is 15 1/2 and now says that it is time for her to say good bye to me. How do I say good bye? My heart broke into a million pieces yesterday and I don;t think that I can pick up the pieces again. Every few years she does this. I had her "sister" two years ago and she choose then not to talk to me, she said it was too hard, so I let her go until she called me and said she was going to be in the town that I live in, and wanted to see us. SO of course I got my baby dressed up and took her to meet her "sister" Well we have been in contact ever since. She began calling a lot more, and of course I would talk to her and get all excited and then she wanted to move in with us. I told her that if that is what she wanted she had to take the first steps, and only a lawyer would know the answers.
Now all of a sudden she is saying "GOOD BYE" The end of her letter said ps "Be a good mom to Catrina" Now how do I say good bye without it sounding to harsh?
Ali
Now all of a sudden she is saying "GOOD BYE" The end of her letter said ps "Be a good mom to Catrina" Now how do I say good bye without it sounding to harsh?
Ali
deleted_user
Don't say goodbye - don't use those words - she is a teenager and this is hard on her she's doing all she knows to do. Just wish her well and let her know that if she needs you for anything she knows the #. Leave it with her having the knowledge she can come back, cuz though it may take a bit she will. GL
deleted_user
I agree with Chris333. Just sort of think it's like "see you later". She is a teenager. she needs to process things. it might take a while. all you can do is back off and let her know that you will always be there for her.
deleted_user
Not to sound redundant, but I was thinking the same thing. She is a teenager. I know she is still probably very smart and independant, I'm not trying to belittle her or her feelings. But she still has so much growing mentally and intellectually before she's an adult. As long as you're always supportive of her and show her you love her, I'm sure sooner than later she will be back and/or change her mind. Just show unconditional love and take care of your child that is with you. Everything happens for a reason, we just don't always find out what the reason is right away! I'm praying for you!
deleted_user
I think everyone is right so far. It is really hard working thru this stuff. I'm old and several times I wanted to call it quits because it was too emotional. She is a teenager and we have all been at that age....it's hard being 15 under normal circumstance. I agree with Chris ..this is probably the only thing she knows to do to try and heal herself..trust me she will find it doesnt work. Just leave the door open and be patient with her. Remember, as hard as this is on you, it is more than likely , just as hard on her.
lav
Take to your heart everything that has been said here. Your daughter just needs time to deal with her emoitons right now. You know in your heart that you can never say good bye to her. And I really don't think that she wants this either. Time is what she needs to understand her own feelings. Let her know that you will be there no matter what. I think that being a teen and knowing this helps a lot.
deleted_user
Thank you everybody. I wrote her a good bye letter, but I can't seem to get it in the mail. Maybe I will rewrite it and say see ya later. I love her as much as I love my two year old, and I could never say good bye for good. I haven't been able to thus far I don't know why I thought that I could now. I will give her her space and when she is ready, I will be here waiting. Thank you all so much. Today was a much better day.
deleted_user
Just let her know that where ever she is at, you will always love her and be there for her.
deleted_user
Everyone is right, she's a teen and she's probably just trying to figure out where her life is, she's probably trying to work out what she can and cannot deal with in her life. Just think of it as a see you later, let her know your door is always open and you'll think of her always. I honestly think that she will come back to you one day, there's an unconditional, unbreakable bond between mother and child she won't be able to turn her back on. Maybe, in the time she isn't contacting you, write her letters (don't send them) but just write them, and keep them, so that when she does come back to you, if you like, you can show her and let her know that you never stopped thinking of her. Anyway, love and gods blessing to you and your birthdaughter ali, i hope things work out for the best. xox
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