My birth mom gave birth to me 2 weeks after turning 17.She is the neice of the woman that raised me. So, I was raised by my great aunt and great uncle. Since they had a large family of 7 children, it was easy to hide me from the shame and scorn of being illegitimate. I was born in the late 50s. I never knew (but suspected) I was adopted, because of the double standard, as well as the physical and sexual abuse. I could do no right and their biological children could do no wrong. Believe me, I tried to be perfect, but was NEVER good enough. After my adopted parents died, the oldest adopted sibling(she is a decidedly evil creature) took control of her biological siblings. It has been one mind game after another, and I am IT. Last summer, traumatic memories from my childhood returned. These memories were so vivid, it was as if I were transported to the past remembering every word that was said. I realized, that I was adopted and my birth mother was my "cousin". When I was seven and a half years old, she came to the house where I grew up with her husband and her mother expecting to take me home with her, because my adopted parents told her on the day I was born that if she could get her life back together, she could have me back.She had made no attempt to contact them since my birth, because her husband was in the military and they were stationed in Germany. Needless to say, it was quite some argument, but what is really weird, I can understand both sides. After this argument really got out of hand, my adopted mother's mother (my great grandmother) stepped in and said I was too old to be taken out of the only home I had known since I was born, and that everyone, including my adopted brothers and sisters were to swear to God never to reveal the secret that I was adopted, especially not to me, and they were to take that secret to their graves. This was done right in front of me, with the expectation that in time and some brainwashing techniques I would forget that day ever happened. Between this memory and other memories that returned last summer, as well as memories I never forgot, I know I was adopted. I started a journal and listed over 100 cooberating memories, along with the disproportionate abuse that started that day, and the general attitude toward me by my adopted siblings and adopted parents. Also, I do not really look like my adopted siblings or parents, but I do look like my birthmother's twin. I also look like the twin sister of her paternal grandfather. My birth mother's mother is the younger sister of my adopted mother. Supposedly there is no genetic connection through my birth mother's father, so I shouldn't look like her father's father. My birth mother has 3 other children, 2 boys, 1 girl. I have met her oldest son/my half brother once and it was as if we read each other's mind. I have heard of this between siblings and never experienced it with my adopted siblings. I have seen pictures of my birth mother's daughter/my half sister who is 8 years younger than me, except for the nose, that's my face. Unfortunately, my adopted parents were over 40 years older than me and are long dead. I will never get the truth out of my adopted siblings. My birth mother lives almost 4 hours away, and I can count the number of times we have seen or spoken to each other. I made a phone call to her when these memories started to come back and she acted like she didn't know what I was talking about. Then I wrote her 2 very nice letters. No reply to either. I made one more call. She tried to mock and belittle me, as if I were a child. She called me crazy, and told me I needed to talk to my family about "things" and she wasn't going to get into it with them and that I just wanted to claim her. She also said she was only 12 years older than me-the same lie I had been fed whenever her name was mentioned while growing up. For some strange reason, her attitude did not phase me in the least. I very calmly said prove me wrong, I'll pay for a DNA comparison. She flat out refused with no good explanation. She started ranting and raving as my adopted family used to do when browbeating me into submission. I calmly said goodbye and hung up on her. Methinks she talked to my adopted family, thinking someone let the cat out of the bag and they gave her instructions on how to handle me, which backfired in her face. They must have also lied to her (surprise, surprise) and told her if she told me the truth, that I would be able to "claim" part of her estate, taking it away from her "legitimate" children. In January of this year, I felt I needed to put a period on all this, so I wrote her a 4 page letter explaining what it was like for me after that day she came to get me, and that I was finished with my adopted family AND her for lying to me and keeping this absurdly archaic 1800's precious little secret. (I used the expression "you are dead to me"-it seemed to fit well with taking a secret to your grave.) I also included a 7 page synopsis written in play form of the scene where she came to take me back. At the end of the scene I wrote the following: "What is written here is edited, but it is more than enough to explain that I know I've been lied to all my life. Ironically, if you hadn't returned for me that day the truth would have been so much easier to hide. No one, except for the adults would have known who I was and your secret would have died with them. It is very flattering to know that you came back for me after all that time. I must have made an impression on you in the short time we were together on the day I was born. However, I do have one question. Did you want me back for my benefit or yours?" I have absolutely no wish to claim her and wouldn't if I could. I got my inheritance from my adopted parents. My adopted mother made me executor of her will. (I'm not sure if that was to punish me or her oldest daughter who had a hissy fit and did her best to try and get me to resign). I'm disappointed, but not devastated that I won't have a relationship with my birth mother. I do have some options. First of all, I applied for my OBC. I was born in Smellaware (aka Delaware), and the birth parents have the right to redact their names. I was supposed to receive my OBC within 90 days. It has been over 5 months, and I may have to hire a lawyer to inform the court/Vital statistics that I am entitled to something-even a "we ain't givin you nothin'/your file is closed letter" which at least proves I was adopted and I'm not crazy. Then there are always the online DNA/Geneology websites. My birth mother's son, the one I met is a geneology researcher, so I am positive his DNA is out there to compare. When I get either some kind of OBC or DNA results back, I just might send my birth mother another letter.... Dear BM, If you can change you rmind about wanting to claim me after 7+1/2 years, I can change my mind about you being dead after xxx amount of time. And, I just might sign it.....Always & Forever, your "dirty little secret" & my name. That would be so much fun to do, because I am sooooo tired of everyone else acting like I have a problem when they are the ones that belong in a nut hut.