My birthmother raised me,and it seemed most of my childhood that she never thought I was good enough or worthy enough in her eyes. She had her good moments,but it was dealing with her almost bi polar serious ups and downs during the day that in the long run messed all three of us up pretty good.

I know from my mother's anti social behaviors that I had adopted,it's been so lonely trying to connect with people. I've had to work on my passive agressive tendencies and fearing to communicate my feelings. Growing up,I wasn't allowed to have an opinion,and was treated like I was so stupid and not worthy of respect and love.

I would have given ANYTHING to have a bio parent or ANY parent who didn't feel hugs and showing proper affection was just for *special occassions*! Sure we were always fed and had a roof over our head,but the thing that is more important than anything is feeling that you're special and loved-and that's one thing you expect a parent to provide.

I have a family too,and I adore them. I value everything my kids bring to life,and I've already told my husband that no matter what,I will break the bank in order to ensure my children get an education and have full support of achieving their dreams.

I wish my life had turned out differently,but yet had it been,our beautiful three kids wouldn't be here today!

Hugs,

this takes me back to the old thought of 'we're required to have class, to test in 2 ways, to pass those tests within the states required guidelines to have a drivers license' the reason? they want to make sure we understand the rules so we don't hurt anyone - so a blind person can't drive but hey even if your a mediaclly diagnosed psychopath have fun procreating - because well we can't take others rights away.

All this amazes me, it's literally socically acceptable to be a bad parent but still consider a 'shame' on yourself and your family to be a birth parent that gave up a child.

Why also is it so hard to adopt? all the paperwork, the screenings, the home studies (I'm sure I'm missing something as I'm not an adoptive but an adoptee), people who are unable to birth their own children are told no we won't allow you a family for (insert reason) but again if you can birth it we can't tell you no?

*sigh* sorry this puts me on such a tangent. It's funny though because it's not so much about adoption persay but the battle I'm in with my ex though really it fits for both cases eh?

In the end for whatever our different stories are we survived them, have moved forward into our own lives and as long as we do the best we can we have the power to break the cycle in our lives and that in itself is alot, we effect all lives we touch in one way or another and for those around us by example we might be helping the next possible child victim.

I think of things like this when I hear people who are so anti-adoption. My mother gave birth to me but decided that she wanted me as a posession. She's a terribly abusive individual, and I cannot tell you the things she has done -- she should be in jail for LIFE, not abusing another child. She is anti-adoption after putting her first child for adoption. As far as I'm concerned, the child that was adopted is LUCKY compared to the four of us who endured her abuse. I am very Pro-Adoption as long as all parties are consenting.

I have always considered my Aunt to be my closest relative, almost my "Mom" so to speak. But I recently found out that she had once wanted to adopt me, but my mother would not let her. My aunt cared for me for a good bit of my childhood and those were the best parts.

Gema,
My heart goes out to you and I'm glad you have loving relationship with your kids. I gave my daughter up when she was an infant. I did it because i felt like I did not deserve to be a parent because of my mental illness. I was also afraid that I would be as terrible a mother to my daughter as my mother was to me.

What changed my mind, though was my protective instincts. I found out that the adoptive agency and the perspective birth parents lied to me. They had put my daughter on welfare and there alot more terrible things going on. During that time I was terrified. I read the law, consulted counseling, read literature about adoptions, and i looked for stories from other birth mothers.

The most important thing that happened was when I started challenging the adoption agency on the lies they told. When I realized how bad it was, I took my daughter back. I was scared at first, but after four years I know I did the right thing. She is the most adorable, wonderful person you could ever meet. I love her and still feel protective of her to this day. I'm glad i didn't give her up for adoption.

Hi Gema. I am sorry for what you went through. My son is 12, and I adopted him. He was in and out of foster care for almost 4 years until he came to live with us. He came from severe neglect and abuse. It took 2 1/2 years for our adoption to be final. How were you able to get past all that? I am trying to help my son. He has so much anger and has a hard time dealing with frustration. We are in the process of switching counselors. He has attachment issues, trust issues, anger issues. All understandable given what that poor baby has been through. I love him and want him to be happy and to try to have as good of a childhood as possible. You only live once. You only get one childhood. I am scared for him and frustrated.

I can't give up. I can't fail him. But I worry, what if I can't find a way to get through to him? What if I am not good enough? I know that there are good and bad stories. Good adoptions, bad adoptions. Good adoptive parents and bad ones. Not all adoptive parents abuse their kids. Most that I know love their children as they would if they had given birth to them. I can't imagine loving my son any more if I had given birth to him.

I commend you, Lakitana, for fighting for your daughter and doing your best. My son's bio parents have mental issues and also drug and alcohol addiction. For 4 years they were given housing, food stamps, free education, assistance for transportation to/from school, free day care, visiting home nurse 4x per week, parenting classes, visiting parent assistant/aid 3x per week, marriage counseling, medicaid. Social workers took collections and bought them cleaning supplies and a washer and dryer. They bought the kids Christmas presents. The kids were forever sitting in filfth, eating cat food off the floor covered in animal feces. Extremely under nourished. They never showed to school and counseling sessions. The last time my son was taken from them, he had a staph infection with 104 degree fever. His bio parents complained for 2 1/2 years in court (all the way to Supreme Court) that the system did not help them enough.

I am only saying this to show that there are 2 sides to every story and that not all adoptive parents are bad people and liars. Not all adoptions are bad things.

My mother was never able to share her love. She is a great provider. I am one of 6 kids and I am in my 50's. I adore my children. along with all the children in my life. I must have got the heart part from my father. I know my mother loves me, but just once in awhile I like to be told. She is the meanest person anyone could ever know. She is negative, hateful and spiteful. She is unable to love all her kids at one time. She can only do it in ones. I love my mother and understand now. (not really) What love she was not able to give, gave me the ablility to love others. I give what I always wanted.