Adoption Support Group

Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Whether you are looking to adopt, putting your child up for adoption, parenting an adopted child, or just thinking about it, this is the place to discuss.

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holiday time

deleted_user
deleted_user
I have always spent Christmas with my family. When my parents got divorced I had to divide time between Mom and Dad. When I got married, we made time to spend with in-laws out of state. Now that I am in contact with my bmother and her other children there is another family in the mix. I wasnt expecting to be included in Christmas at her house and the other day I found out she has already bought gifts for all of my family(hubby, 3 kids, and myself) I wasnt planning on seeing them at Christmas but now I will feel guilty if I dont. I just dont have enough time for everyone and she lives 3 1/2 hours away. I dont want to hurt her feelings by not coming but obviously I wont abandon my real family( by real, I mean the ones that raised me).
Has anyone else had trouble balancing all of their new found families? I am very thankful that bmom wants to include me in her family stuff. I know lots of adoptees never have that chance.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am one of those who have never had that chance, but I do know a bit or two about families and Christmas. I can't tell you what to do, but it sounds as if you have been blessed by too much Christmas. There is no way to divide your time any further and also have time with your children and husband. When it gets too divided, no one enjoys anything. That's no celebration. Your bmother should understand if you tell her exactly what you put in your post. It is a very well worded explination of your dilema. Give honesty a try and remember, there is only so much of you to go around.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, I can imagine its hard balancing it all. The first thing honestly to come to mind is, if there is ANY way possible, even for a little bit, to see your bmom, I would. I am a bmom of a two year old. So, of course I'm gonan relate to that side of it. I know she has to be ecstatic to have you in her life and it probably means the world to her to see you this Christmas. Doesn't have to be xmas day, just around then. Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
this is just a thought but what about the weekend before or after? I agree with the honesty... let her know why your picking the timeframe... it will let her know you want to see her and she does know this is the first year she's been in your life, I'm going to guess she's going to understand. As for distance...and it is all so new still what about asking she/they meet you 1/2 way at a restaurant? I also have a pretty inexpensive personalized gift idea if your interested...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi there!!
Yeah, I feel for you. I keep in contact with both sets of parents. I live with the adoptive ones though. And I have the same struggles. That's why I really don't like holidays because they bring lots of confusion for me. I never know what to do, who to please, who will be more mad, who will hold it against me, etc.
Good luck though. I have no idea what I'm going to do my self.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am the AMom and I have tried very hard over the last few years to get used to the idea of my grown son going out of state to spend time with his Bmom. This is the first year he will be going up for Christmas. I have always encouraged him to have a decent relationship with her because she is and always will be part of him, but it is hard to adjust to sharing his time and his love.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Only you can decide what to do, but it sounds like you want to spend your time with your real family. I have met my bfamily as well, and when I met them I set up boundaries. My real family comes first ALWAYS, then my In-Laws, then my bfamily. They gave me up 26 years ago, and anytime that they spend with me now is a bonus not a right. I spend Christmas morning with my Mom and Dad, and Christmas evening with my In-Laws. If I am able to, after Christmas I fly up to visit my bfamily. I hope this helps and good luck to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Bmom tells me last night she is actually coming to see me this time, which is a first, so that takes the pressure off of me to try to find the time. We only live 3 1/2 hours apart so it's not that far. Anyway it looks like Dec 21 will be our Christmas time. Thanks all of you and Merry Christmas
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