Hi there
I just recently found my b-mum and Ihave never been mad or angry with her. Please don't worry, I am sure there is a good reason why he hasn't been in contact today. I feel exactly the same when my b-mum doesn't email me (we mail practically everyday)and I worry that I have done something to upset her and that's never the reason. How old is your son? I only ask because from my perspective (I am 35) the older I have got, the more understanding I have had of why I was adopted in the first place. As you become more mature you realise that the act of adoption was usually a selfless act by the b-mum rather than a selfish one

He is 16, he will be 17 in a few months.

I found my birth mom about 2 months ago.. I NEVER had any feelings of anger or bitterness at all. I loved her from the start. But I will say, as you have probably seen for yourself...this ride is quite bumpy. It is full of ups and downs, pushes and pulls. It could be that he needs to take a minute to process everything or it could be that he is a 16 yr old boy. I had the same doubts as unhappy if I didnt talk to bmom for a few days. I convinced myself that she had changes her mind and didnt want to talk to me anymore and then when i would here from her I was on cloud nine...after 2 months and a growing relationship it's still that way. We al least try to talk every other day because I have told her of my insecurities and she knows that if we go too long without talking I start to get scared. She does her best to keep in contact with me. We met for the first time last week and I didnt hear from her for 2 days. She called to tell me she was out of town and her phone died and for me not to worry...she loved me. That made me feel much better. So, I think it's great that you are in contact with each other just keep on and give him space, if that's what he needs. Keep him close , if that's what he needs...you just need to ask him what he wants from you right now...he will tell you. Good luck and keep me posted.

I don't know your situation but you're in a tough place for contact. 16 is a rough age in completely 'normal' circumstances. It'll be fine if he doesn't contact you for a few days - but make sure after a few days you contact him. "Just wanted to say hi" type of thing - don't' push you have to let him assimilate and come to you. GL

My situationis a little differnet from most peoples because i was adopted by my grandparents and always new my mom. but i was ok with her til about the 7th grade when i was actually old enough to understand the circumstances. then i grew to hate her. For never calling, never trying to get us back, i blamed her for being in a home with a abusive grandmother, ect the list goes on. When i turned 18 i wrote a HUGE letter telling her exactly how i felt about everything. i asked miliiions of questions. later that summer my grandmother that lived in cali was dying of cancer and i went down to see her and saw my mom as well. we had a discussion mostly about the things addressed in the letter. i will never forget the things i saw and alot of things i went through and there are only certain things i can forgive. but once i matured i realized that she gave birht to me and situations require certain actions. and now we get along. i opbviously have my bad days with her but i will never resent her like i had before.

Well, I do not know what to do- my son has not been online for days. I haven't sent him any messages or anything during this time, I am trying to take Chris's advice. Anywho, he got online today, and did not message me or anything. I sent him one message later asking him how he was doing. I don't know- is this the end of our relationship? Is he suddenly mad at me? I have so many emotions right now. I have even talked online to his adoptive father, and he has no problems with us communicating, he even sent me pics! I know it sounds horrible, but it seems as if he just wanted info about his heritage. He didn't say that or anything, but what else could explain this? I am devastated.

I can only imagine how you feel. I still think he will come around. But you need to prepare yourself in case he doesnt. My cousin was adopted and when she found her birth mother all she wanted was medical history and the facts about her adoption. She didnt feel the need to have anything more. That was several years ago and now she says she's been thinking about contacting bmom to get to know her. She was young when they first made contact and I think that has a lot to do with it. I was like you, scared to death, if several days went by that I didnt hear from mom, I convinced myself that she had changed her mind and didnt want to talk to me anymore. The mind can do terrible things in that respect. I hope he does come around and I'm sure eventually he will. It may not be on your time table though. Dont give up but sometimes all you can do is hurry up and wait. Good luck

I can only imagine the feelings your having as I am the adoptee in my situation. All I can do is tell you from my perspective and as a teenager I was angry and hurt. I did just want facts - wanted to know 'why my mom didn't want me' then I needed time to assimilate to the situation. Teenagers have such erratic emotions, learning to deal with those are hard and then through a spin into it...sometimes they just can't cope with it all at once and have to shut a piece off until they have a handle on others.

Keep in contact with your eldest, every so often just ask how he's doing at one point he'll respond and keep the lines open with the aparents, it's the best source of info your going to get right now. You know he's safe right now just stay strong. I looked at your profile and you have a daughter and stepson at home, concentrate on them for the holidays. GL hon

Hi
I was adopted when I was three days old. I was able to contact my birthmom when i was 14 and met her for the first time over this summer. =) My situation is kind of like your but only reverse. I'm doing the same things you are and wondering the same thoughts. Coming from an adoptee who is 17 i would say give him a little space. He's probably thinking everything through. You're doing nothing wrong at all. Give him a little space and in a few days or a week email him or IM him and say Hi just thinking about you or Hey hope you're having a good day. I'm here if you want to chat. Or somethiing to that effect. If i was in this situation taht's how i would like my bmom to do. Good luck! Praying for you!

thanks guys, he did send me a brief message thursday wishing me a happy Thanksgiving...it made my day!

oh, and i wanted to add that I have three children at home, and two others that live with their dad and i have visitation with them.

I have never met my b-mom. Wish i could have. you are lucky that he talks to you. i know i am angry with my mother.