Remember that she is someone else's daughter. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but.... She wants to know about you and your situation. Just be open and accepting. I am adopted and I gave up my daughter for adoption, in 1988. She was 18 last November. I met my birth-mother,when I turned 21, she is my friend, now but no more than that. I have read on here so many stories and it makes my heart sad. Just don't expect too much. I don't want you to get hurt. I know that when I met my birth-mother I just had so many questions, she wasn't willing to answer them all. It took a long time for her to finally tell me who my father was. We keep in touch. Hope it is all that you and her want it to be.
Ms. Missy

when I was 18 I couldnt have cared less about finding my b-mom. I didnt get curious until about age 22, after I had a child. and then it took me another 10 years to decide to look for her. I found her about a month ago and things are going good. Anyway, my point is that whatever the specifics of your situation are, it should be your daughters choice. In my state, the birth parent s can leave a note in the file so that if the child ever wants to contact they can give out the parents info. I was adopted through an agency, if your situation is something like that you may want to contact them first. Good luck.

thats a tough situation im an adoptee and i turn 18 in july my birthmother said she would meet me then and im excited but be careful because not everyone is ready for that kind of step but good luck to you

I think is just a personal opinion. But I left it up to my birth daughter to find me. I felt like I gave up my rights to her. I didn't have a right to find her unless she wanted to. She is the one who looked me up. BUT~she wanted to know why I hadn't been looking for her. Her adoptive mother had kept all of the letters and things I had sent her growing up life. She couldn't believe that I had cared the whole time. I don't think all situtations are the same. I'm just glad she wanted to be found. I also agree with MsMissy, she is someone else's daughter. I just gave her life.

tks for responding
ive done research and it seems that most adoptee girls want to be found or else look for their birthfamily
usually the adoptive parents stand in the way of this happening until they are on their own....
part of me wants her to find me that way i know it will be the right time for her too......
but then again i dont want to lose any more years that i already have.....
been praying for the right time.....
its nice to hear from adoptees and their opinions.....tks again

All you can do is try to contact her and see if she wants to meet you also. I'm 20 and I recently got some information about my birthmom from my adoption agency and I went through so many emotions just in a letter that included her name, birthdate, and place where she was born (I had not known any of the previously). I know that right now I am not ready to meet her. It would be too much emotionally for me to handle. Some people are at different stages and ultimately she will know if she is ready to meet you. but please don't be disappointed or upset if she doesn't want to right now. It's a lot to go through.
Hope everything turns out well and my best wishes to you!

I'm not an adoptee so my opinion is probably a little less valid than those people who are, but i think the best way to contact your daughter for the first time would be a letter (snail mail), a phone call can be too huge, and asking to meet in person straight up can be a bit abrassive too, whereas i think through a letter, you can write everything you want to, consicely (sp) and make sure you say everything you want to say, and she can take it in at her own pace and contact you back if/when she's ready. At least that way she'll know that a; you went to the effort and b; that you're thinking of her, and how you're feeling.

Best of luck to you though, this must be such a nerve wracking and emotional time for you. I hope everything goes well for you. xox

Honestly, if someone I didn't know turned up on my doorstep when I was 18 I would have freaked out. And I probably wouldn't have been ready to have anything to do with her. I was thirty when I finally found MaryEllen - my bmom. I was an adult with my own life and my own children - ready to meet her. We have a very good and close relationship, and I am glad we found each other. But at 18 it would have really thrown a kink in my world.

I am an adoptive mom, and I know you asked for adoptee feedback. But I wanted to share something of my experience with you.

I adopted all 3 of my children several years ago. They are now 12, 13, and 15 years old. My youngest came to me at birth through the foster care system, and barely remembers his birth mother altho, as an infant, he went thru the court-ordered reunification process with both birth parents. His adoption was finalized at age 2.

His brothers are actually bio-brothers to one another but not to my youngest. They came to me through foster care at agest 3 and 5. Their adoptions were finalized when they were 6 and 8.

Each of my sons has always known they are adopted. I have always been completely open with each of them, shared everything I have of their lives before me with them (and saved it all for them). I've also always told them I will help them locate and facilitate meeting w/birth parents w/them if they want my help. I've urged them to at least wait till they are 18 because of their emotional maturity (immaturity) levels.

Sometimes I've felt a little threatened by it all, and then I remember that, without their birth parents, my sons would not be in my life today.

I know my youngest son's birth mother is anxious to meet him - she and I have coresponded many times over the years - I send pictures and letters a few times each year. I have no contact with my older 2 sons' family of origin - long story, but their birth mom tried to steal them after parental rights had been terminated, and the county social worker and court judge recommended not having any correspondence w/them for this reason. I have provided county social workers with pictures and correspondence for the birth mother over the years and hope she has received those from me.

My point with all of this is, I will do whatever my sons want as far as finding and meeting parents of origin.

I know when I do feel a little threated by the idea of it all, those are my issues to work through.

I know my sons love me and I surely treasure them. I also know their lives may not feel complete eventually without attempting to have contact with birth families, and I truly honor that and will NOT stand in the way whatsoever of that happening if my sons want that in the future.

These relationships among the children, adoptive families and families of origin are sometimes hard to work through. But I know I went into adopting my sons many years ago fully aware of what was ahead for me, and choosing complete opennessand honesty with my children.

And I remain totally committed to whatever will help my sons have a fuller, happier, healthier, and more complete life experience. Whatever that involves.

I hope you will give your birth daughter the opportunity and freedom to make the choice herself about connecting with you. when she is ready. If she is ready. I'm not trying to be harsh with you, but I truly believe it becomes a choice only the adoptee has the right to make for themselves.

Blessed be.
Namaste.
Trish

I am adopted and just found my birth mother last week at the age of 35. From my perspective I think it is important to let your daughter be the one to contact you. At 18 I would have loved to have met my mother if I could have foud her. I would suggest posting your details on the web somewhere ie the website missing-you so that if she is lookig for you (which she would probably search the net) the you are giving her the best opportunity to find you. I searched all the time olie hoping I might be able to locate my birth mother. I hope this helps and good luck for the future.