It's wonderful that you are good with keeping an open adoption communication lines open...but what exactly is bothering you about the phone call? Are you feeling threatened? not in the harming sense, but in the emotional sense? I feel very threatened emotionally by my kids birthmom...and we do NOT have an open adoption. Our kids were our foster children and they were taken away from her due to issues of abuse. When our local child protection services had her parental rights terminated in court, we adopted them...and our son came a few years later. It was OUR choice to provide her with pics and updates, so we chose to do so. A few months ago, I found her on facebook, and decided to communicate with her because I felt empathy, and wanted her to know that the kids were well taken care of and happy. It turned out to be a nightmare...she convinced the birthfather to contact the child protection agency and try to get our son back. This was so sureal...made me very upset. I decided to cut off contact, but since then I feel so threatened emotionally by her, and as I read what some older adoptees are writing, it makes me worry about my children finding her and leaving us behind. WE are raising them in a happy loving home....SHE hurt them...neglected them...yet I know that they may want to have that "bond" with her...and sometimes I worry about all the effort of raising them may be for someone else's benefit.
Soory...as I read your post..all these feelings came...do you ever feel this way?