i didn't know where to go to tell this to or ask if and how someone out there has learned to deal with this. So here is my story.
19 years ago while awaiting for DNA test to be done for my oldest daughter , I was named the father of a 2nd child from the same woman . I wasn't named the father or I wasn't told anything until the very day the birth mother was finalizing an adoption of the baby to her oldest sister and brother in law . They found me at my sisters house in the same town and asked me to come to the courthouse , when I got to the courthouse the attorneys kept pushing for me to sign these papers , I said no that I wasn't going to sign and even brought up scenarios that what if the child was not mine and I was signing another mans child away , I asked for DNA , to shorten the story I'll skip ahead where hey started asking me the same question but worded differently each time about half dozen times basically trying to get an answer about whether I felt a connection to the child . So without my consent I found shortly after the adoption went through . Years went by and I often wondered what happened to this child , a year after the adoption I finally got a DNA test for the oldest daughter and she was indeed mine and I got custody of her and we moved away , not too far . I married a woman 5 years later and we had a child together and that ended in divorce . My oldest daughter has been through a lot with my ex wife . But anyway , 3 weeks ago a 19 year old shows up at my house , my oldest daughter picks her up after this girl tracks her down using Facebook and she then brings her to where I am , she gets out of the car and walks up on the porch and gives me a hug . I am speechless . To make the story shorter we spend everyday together for a few weeks , her boyfriend and I get along . They need a place to stay and without a second thought I offer and they stay a couple days then she breaks up with him and goes back to her adopted parents place . She then comes back the day after and gets back with her boyfriend and then the next day breaks up with him again but wants to take him away from my house which is fine so they give him around out of town and comes back and I tell her since she's only been out on her own for less than a year but has been in a relationship the whole time that she can do it on her own that I will help and it's gonna be ok . After laying down for a while and getting up she changes her mind says she feels like she needs to be with her adopted parents that they are her mom and dad and even though she appreciate what me and my family have done and trying to make her feel welcome that's where she feels she belongs . I am having difficulty letting go , I had no choice in her being adopted . I felt like I was robbed of something I can not have back and when she decided to stay I was thrilled but when she left I am struggling with this . I don't really think she wants to have any type of relationship. I text her and she answers and we chat and try to offer whatever insight I can on what she says but really I don't think she does . My oldest daughter says if she don't then to hell with her lol , she is small but tough . Me , I look tough but this I am struggling with . How to you let go of this , in ways I wish she hadn't tracked me down . I had long gave up on finding any info on her and how her life turned out . Then she finds me and I know she views it has her just trying to find her birth parents and I get that , but then she finds out that one of her birth parents didn't choose this . I did not choose this . and now she is gone again . And I don't know how to handle this . I wish I never met her , but I am glad I did . But wish now to forget .