I was adopted but was never told until I was 18, my parents were getting divorced and I found out in court. I felt like the rug was ripped out from under me and everything that i knew, cousins, aunts, my identity was a lie! These people had abused me, physically emotionally, spiritually. I was able to get away from them and live my own. There were times that life was really rough for me being that when I left that family, I had no monetary support from anyone. I was able to live with a relative for a while and then finally got a place of my own and started my path to normalcy. Today I am married and I have 1 child, 8 years old. And unfortunately I still live with the shame and embarassment of everything that had happened to me. For years I have been able to keep all of the emotions under control in a hidden box inside my heart because I had to move forward and support myself. I never had the time to deal with the emotions, I felt for years I have been on auto pilot. But ever since I had given birth to my own child and I LOVE her so much and would never do anything to harm her spirit or self esteem and I see how her father loves her to death. It makes me sick to remember how those people treated me when I was her age. How can people be so cruel to such a young defenseless little child. Everyday when I lived with them I feared for my life. Everyday I woke up wondering if that was the day I was going to die. Living in fear and being scared all the time and not feeling safe is really one of the worst ways to live. I will be turning 40 this year and I have been reflecting on my life. One very sad reality for me is that I will be mourning for the Love and Protection that I should've received from my birth mother, parents. I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness whenever I am reminded that I never knew or had a taste of being loved by your biological mother or father. The mother who raised me didn't love me at all. She had 3 other child of her own and I watched her love them and always wondered why she never loved me pr treated me the same and when I found out I was not her bilogical child, I then understood everything. I am searching for a support group for people like myself. The locked box inside my heart is slowly coming apart at the seams and I can no longer control these emotions that I have kept at bay for so many years. Everything that I am conveying here is just a short summary of what has happened to me, just the tip of the iceberg. I need to not feel so alone in this situation. I have felt so alone all of my life even now that I have my own family, I just try to hide it so that my daughter won't see. I am trying to set a good example for my daughter. Does anyone know of a group that I can contact? Thanks.
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