I was adopted but was never told until I was 18, my parents were getting divorced and I found out in court. I felt like the rug was ripped out from under me and everything that i knew, cousins, aunts, my identity was a lie! These people had abused me, physically emotionally, spiritually. I was able to get away from them and live my own. There were times that life was really rough for me being that when I left that family, I had no monetary support from anyone. I was able to live with a relative for a while and then finally got a place of my own and started my path to normalcy. Today I am married and I have 1 child, 8 years old. And unfortunately I still live with the shame and embarassment of everything that had happened to me. For years I have been able to keep all of the emotions under control in a hidden box inside my heart because I had to move forward and support myself. I never had the time to deal with the emotions, I felt for years I have been on auto pilot. But ever since I had given birth to my own child and I LOVE her so much and would never do anything to harm her spirit or self esteem and I see how her father loves her to death. It makes me sick to remember how those people treated me when I was her age. How can people be so cruel to such a young defenseless little child. Everyday when I lived with them I feared for my life. Everyday I woke up wondering if that was the day I was going to die. Living in fear and being scared all the time and not feeling safe is really one of the worst ways to live. I will be turning 40 this year and I have been reflecting on my life. One very sad reality for me is that I will be mourning for the Love and Protection that I should've received from my birth mother, parents. I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness whenever I am reminded that I never knew or had a taste of being loved by your biological mother or father. The mother who raised me didn't love me at all. She had 3 other child of her own and I watched her love them and always wondered why she never loved me pr treated me the same and when I found out I was not her bilogical child, I then understood everything. I am searching for a support group for people like myself. The locked box inside my heart is slowly coming apart at the seams and I can no longer control these emotions that I have kept at bay for so many years. Everything that I am conveying here is just a short summary of what has happened to me, just the tip of the iceberg. I need to not feel so alone in this situation. I have felt so alone all of my life even now that I have my own family, I just try to hide it so that my daughter won't see. I am trying to set a good example for my daughter. Does anyone know of a group that I can contact? Thanks.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...