Hi, I am a 21 year old woman and I was adopted at birth, I was told about it from the very start. I remember the day I was told and being told how loved and special I am. I grew up in a fantastic adopted family who loved me soooo much and who if it wasnt for them I wouldnt be alive but still as I reached my teens I knew I was always different. I was 12 when I found out that my birth mother died after over 30 years of alcohol abuse and I cried loads and it did bring me and my birth brother close for a while but then as I became too attached to him he couldnt cope and cut contact with me. To this day I still only get to see him 2-3 times a year and its all very complicated. He never ever speaks my birth mothers name. I started college two years ago which I am doing social care and it was always in the back of my mind that the issue of feeling abandoned and not understood by anyone was not yet resolved. I was placed in an addiction residential unit for women in November and I lost my mind about it at first and refused to do it but was told I would fail college if I didnt. Again no one understood me and no one listened. The entire time during my teenage years I went through many boyfriends always trying to fill the gap but the love and attention I needed couldnt be given I realised only recently that I was filling the gap that my mother and biological brother have left me with. I have been told today in a college meeting that If I dont deal with my own issues that I wnt be able to do my job succesfully. Joining a support group was my first step because I have ALWAYS felt alone in my feelings about adoption. I am also in search of councilling. I cant deal with the grief of a mother that I never had, on my own any longer. I guess I need to hear someone tell me that they really know what its like. I cant talk to my adopted mother about any of these feelings because im afraid I will hurt her feelings.
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