I still think about my son every day. I will never forget that long december night when I signed the papers to give my son away! December is the hardest month for me because of that. For along time I didn\'t think I would ever have happiness again. 8 months after I put my son up for adotption I had a hystorectomy. I can never have another baby again. I thought that God was saying well you didn\'t want your son why should I allow you to have another! I still sometimes feel that way. I\'m so glad I still have my daughter though. She is 13, and so beautiful. What makes things even harder is that I am bipoloar with psychotic features, and so is the son I put up for adoption. I am bless in away. I get to call once a year, and talk to his adoptive mother. Sometimes she calls me and tells me things that are going on. But it\'s still hard to know that he is mine, and I can never have him back. I know that I made a the right decission cause at the time I was on welfare, already had a child that wasn\'t even one yet, no car, no job, and no one to help me. My family wasn\'t supportive at all. And I barely had any friends to speak of. It\'s been 12 years and it doesn\'t get any easier. I miss him, and miss what I could have had with him if I would have kept him.
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