I found my real dad agian after 14yrs. I feel so lucky I have been allowed to apoligize to him for my behavior back then. I stood face to face with my father screaming at him for killing my mother and told him i never wanted to see or hear from him or his family again. My father has lung cancer now and has done 56 radation treatments. I feel the time is here to have contact agian with him, so later I wont regret it as i have the last 14yrs. 2 days after finding him, he called to let me know his brother (whom I believe killed my mother!) died of a heartattack @ 6 in the am. That was really wierd cause i feel the strain on him hearing about finding me again didnt help. I know alot of people wont understand how i could betray my mothers memory with me speaking to my father. I felt for last almost 20yrs. the same way - that i would be a traitior to her. But now I feel its time. Time to let go of the past feelings of judging my father, and allow us to get to know each other and I know i am not capable of bonding to him, but hopeing it will help me some mentally. As for my dads oldest son, for the first time in 37yrs i got to speak to him on the phone. But i dont really want to meet him yet. How can i let go of what my mothers oldest son did to me, and allow myself to meet anougther brother? I feel terrible that i dont want to meet anyone else. But that is how i feel. How can i ever trust a brother again? i dont even trust my brother i was raised with now, cause of what happened.
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