I am also late diagnosed,since then mt relationship with my partner has gone downhill.I see diferent angles of living 2gether,but me too Im at my wits end to saviour anything weve left.
a friend suggested to me:Relive your first meeting with your partner
:talk about why you felt about the other(love)
:start dating with your partner again
:go to a counciller to openly talk of your diagnosis
:meds...without it ,what was the relationship before treatment
:find some closure of accepting eachother.
for me its still ongoing and personally im finding that my partner is in denial.Im more focused and verbaly secure,I guess that puts a fear in a relationship...who knows....i do hope you work it out,somehow,...its a struggle I KNOW.:)

Hi Steve,

I'm not yet diagnosed but can very much relate to your struggles. I had a negative reaction to anti-depressants that caused a complete numbness emotionally and physically.

I do however, disagree that medication is the wrong answer. As I'm sure you've researched, ADHD is almost certainly down to an imbalance of dopamine. That's not something that can be changed by anything other than drug therapy.

It all gets very complicated when you're trying to do the best for someone else as well as yourself. I know myself how difficult it is to have ADHD and a fully functioning relationship.

It sounds like you've been with your wife/partner a while and I'm sure she loves you very much. Try to be as honest as you can and understand things from both sides.

I hope you manage to find a compromise,

Take it easy,

Jen :-)

I forgot to ask, what reaction did you have after taking strattera? :-)

i only wish i could take meds for my adhd but due to other meds i take, i cannot.
i truly wish i could because i know they work. you just have to find the right one for you. there are different types and if strattera is bad for you, that does not at all mean that something else wont work.. it could save your partnership in my opinion. good wishes to you

Read the book and try to have your wife read "Delivered from Distraction" Eward m hallowell or his earlier book " Driven to Distraction". It may help your spouse understand you at last and it is full of more ideas and advice than I could give you here. I am currently reading Delivered and it is fantastic.

Strattera made me very irritable. It hurt my relationships as well while I was on it. However, I am now on adderall and my relationships have actually improved because it helps me remember things that I am supposed to do and helps me to not blurt out hurtful things before thinking if I do get in an argument.
Stratterra was bad for me too but there are other options, and I believe that having my ADD managed has really helped me to be able to relate to people in a more positive way.
If you really dont want to try any meds, try to find a councelor that specializes in ADD. They can help you with time management, goal setting, organizagtion, etc. and you will be surprised how much it will help your relationships if you can get your own life in balance.

"Delivered from Distraction" --asked my therapist about this book and she said it was good!!
Need to get a copy myself; diagnosed @ 59....few months ago.....
medication works wonders for some....
AdderallX sent me into ORBIT......
my cousin swears by Strattera.....
lower dosages of Adderall now.....affects sleep....it's speed...lost weight.....
BUT.....you go to do what you got to do...
in fact, am going to get out in this 100+ HEAT tomorrow and go get the book......
why does you wife object so much to the drug therapy??? your brain is lacking certain chemicals.....

I am a spouse of a ADHD and yes, it "IS" very difficult. He hasn't been open to taking Meds ... (no idea why). Few years ago someone loaned me a book about living with an ADD/ADHD person. Don't remember the title now, but it helped me to really understand this very frustrating illness. Can certainly realize first hand how very difficult it is for those suffering from it. My husbands family has allienated him due to his "mood swings" etc. and seem not to even WANT to try to understand. Some of his friends as well. I love him enough to work hard at understanding this and helping anyway I can. Yes ~ it's "very hard" at times ... but it IS an illness and understanding that is most of the battle. My prayers go out to everyone affected by it! Peace Love and Joy to all .... :)

Being a mother of a son with ADHD I understand to some degree. I too didn't want my son to take meds, but in the end it was just necessary. YOU AND YOUR WIFE have to go to therapy together so she can understand what it is and what you NEED! Needs are not always what is wanted. My son has been on about every med there is. One doesn't work or bad effect you try the next one. It sucks but that is the way it is. I also have see that nothing is perfect. We still have many many problems but WE keep trying. Meds, therapy and support are needed for ADHD/ADD FAMILIES! My family (parents/brother) were upset and my mother didn't talk to me for months after my son went on meds. They were in denial,maybe your wife is too. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and I was ready to walk but WE did rehab, I say WE because I went to meeting with him and we did couple therapy. He is now sober but it is an everyday struggle for us both, but I think about what WE almost lost and I could cry. I hope your wife loves you enough to HELP you through this and learn her self about the condition. Best of luck. Always here with an ear! Marie