What do you mean by misbehaving? Is he hitting you?

I would try everything else first before going to such drastic measures. I have never heard of something called a theraputic home. Have you been in therapy with him? I would try to make My home a theraputic home and would not allow others to take my child from me or me from my child. Would like to know more about what you are going through.

HOLY! ok..maybe if you give us some more info as to the age of the child. What you consider the misbavior, is he in theropy, are you in theropy, and y these people think you son should be elsewhere? Is he a physical threat to you? Do you have other children that are in danger? I can't even try to suggest something without more facts. I can tell you, it would have to be something way off the scale for me to even think of leaving my children with someone else. That said...there is the option of having someone give you breaks once in a while.(respit care) A while back...almost 10 years ago...I did that..and I know for certain I am a good Mother...I just didn't have anyone to help me and I was seriously sleep deprived!(he went for one night out of 3 different weekends as I remember) The help was offered and for a very short period I took it. Once i could deal again, it was discontinued! And we went on with our lives as before. Sorry for the lack of help....good luck with things! :o)

I'm honestly a little stunned by this. There are so many alternatives and options available PRIOR to even considering turning him over to someone else to straighten out. Has he been diagnosed by a child/adolescent psychiatrist? Has the psychiatrist prescribed any medications? Did they work? Are you and your son seeing a psychologist/counselor in order to improve the situation? If you have, how long have you been seeing them? Change cometh slowly, and please keep in mind that you may be doing things unknowingly that are reinforcing the behaviors that are unacceptable. Also, what about his diet? Have you investigated that route? Take a deep breath, make a list of options you have, and then, ONLY after you have exhausted your options, would I even allow myself to think of turning temporary custody of him over to ANYone. EVEN if they are able to help HIM, you must also seek help in order to make the needed changes at home, in order to establish AND maintain a positive environment at home.

whoa. slow down. foster care is a last resort if it even is one. are the two of you in tharapy yet. you should be. going from discipline to indulging can be sending him mixed messages. talk to a pro they'll sort it all out.BTW dont let your boyfriend make decisions that affect you and your son.

Hi sarah, this is the first time I signed on to this chat room. I did so because I just received a call from my sons MILITARY SCHOOLl of 2 months stating he will likely be kicked out. He's 13 and this is his 11th school in 3 states. Both he and the school are aware that I have no intention of allowing him to return home. I will be taking him immediately to a familty court to initiate whatever action necessary to place him in a group home. I say this to say I sympathize with your pain. I found some of the responses though well meaning somewhat judgemental. I have endured that to. But it is only you that is capable of knowing when you have nothing else to give. Tomorrow is my birthday and in stead of buying my first home that I saved for for the past several years, I decided that I would give my son one final chance. As a result I am going to be out $22,000 dollars for exactly 2 months of school. I don't regret it because I am IN LOVE WITH my son. I don't just love him. He is everything to me but I can't do anything more for him. So don't feel guilty for what you are feeling. Make certain you have done everything for your child that you know how to do. I have tried with no success everything the EXPERTS recommend. Piano lessons, swim lessons, tae kwon do, soccer, softball, medication, therapist, school & state changes. Maybe one of these avenues will work for your child but there is no magic recipe for every child. If your blessed you wil find the answer. I haven't yet but I am VERY COMFORTABLE knowing I have done more that any TEN parents can do while working 2 jobs & graduating from college
for the 2nd time just a few months ago.
The only bad thing is I remain depressed!

He is 8, a danger to himself with his impulses, we have psyciatrists, psycologists, councelors, group theropy, and was friends, family and professonals suggesting this to me. I will never give up my son he is my life! I just want to help him even if that mean I sacrifice to have someone else do it! (Short term)!

I understand. I had to do the same thing with my son. He was out of control (5th grade), getting in trouble, etc. Decided to send him to live with his DAD for a while. He was there three years, and just came home at his request, this summer. He learned some new behaviors while with his Dad, did active Boy Scouting, etc., but could not deal with his "Control" freak Father. He is just too strict, and it made my son's self-esteem deflate completely. So I am back to where I left off three years ago. New Doctors, meds, therapist, etc. The road can be long, frustrating, bumpy, but we need to walk it with our kids for their sake. Hang in there!

I sure feel for what you are going through. Sounds like me 12 years ago when my son was younger. I also had tried for several years to maintain his behaviors at home. He had a Psychologist and was in therapy, he was in the big brother program, special classes at school. But none of the interventions seemed to work with him and his behaviors escalated. He became a danger to himself and to others and I had no choice than to have him admitted for a complete evaluation and medication management.
It was one of the worst days of my life. I felt so bad. How could I do this to my baby.
I knew it was the best thing for him. I could not worry about what people would think if they found out that I put my son, he was 12 at the time, in a mental hospital for children. I had to look at what was best for him to be able to be a productive member of society. Learn new ways to deal with the pressures he felt from life.
To try to make this short, he is now 25 years old and has 2 kids of his own. It was a very bumpy road raising him but we did come through it.
Only you know what is truly best for your son and you make your decision baised on what is in his best interest that is the best love you can show him

You didn't specify enough about the issue, to make foster care sound like a good choice. I used to go from one extreme to another with my daughter and it just made her more defiant. That makes a child not know what is going to happen next and with ADHD kids they need stability and love, first and foremost. Have you tried parenting clasees. Not everything will work for you or your child but finding a style of parenting and dicipline you both can rely on will give you both a sense of peace. He will then know he can depend on you. ADHD is a difficult disorder and when I finally looked at myself and my own feelings getting in the way of being the rock she needed was when things began to change. Please concider parenting classes first.

Giving more details of the type of misbehavior that your son is doing would certainly help. However, if you aren't comfortable sharing that, you could try the book called, "The Explosive Child". It has helped many in your situation. Good luck and all the best to you.

I went back and read your posts prior to this one, after leaving a comment last time. I knew there had to be more. It sounds to me like you do love your son, and that you are trying to help him. I will be honest, though, ok? I work in a private residential facility, at the ongrounds school there. While I believe there are good folks out there who ARE foster parents, I am also aware that a great deal of abuse has been docuemented (physical, sexual, etc)regarding wayyyy too many foster care homes. What makes a foster parent more capable than you, to handle or deal with your son? I'm sorry. I just don't understand the rationale behind it. Maybe you should visit children who have been placed in temporary/permanent custody, children who are now teens or adults, and hear what they have to say. Not just those who have experienced the good homes, but also those countless individuals who have had terrible experiences in homes that were not good. Nobody will love and care for your son the way you seem to be doing. If that is so, are you considering it for his benefit? Or for yours? And I don't mean this in a nasty, judgemental way. I would imagine you and your family are exhausted. Just keep in mind too, that many of the children IN those foster homes or therapeutic homes, will expose your son to a different type of behavior that you may find less acceptable than what he is doing at this time. It's an entirely different world, to be raised in a therapeutic/foster home, than to be raised in a home with your biological parents who loved you from the time they saw you. Knowledge is power in this situation, so take the time to learn all you can. Good luck.

I just want to say that I was hospitalized and put into the foster care system because my Parents could no longer deal with me. I was not diagnosed. I think a hospital stay might do him better than foster care at this point. I agree with the posts that ask about his meds and psychologists. You get all this in an inpatient program. The foster care system for me was not an ption and I chose to live in the streets. Not the best choice for a teenager(I started this at 9), So slow down and look at your options before you go and do anything rash. He obviously needs help.

to everyone out there please read the last part of my feedback it was for anyone with BAD experiances to let me know because I don't want to put my child in harm. I'm NOT putting him in foster care, our area has specialty trained people who temporarily foster behavioral problem children and help them regain control of themselves. Please read carefully before telling me putting my kid in foster care is a bad idea and why don't I talk to kids that have been in that situation. THAT IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO!

Yes! many people have had bad experiences with putting their children in boy's homes or psychiatric facilities. It takes a village to raise a child and it you don't have a village you need to get one. A supportive one and it does not sound like you have a supportive one. Take a break from your son for a week or two, but a boy's home is only the answer when he is putting someones life in endanger. Take some classes; learn the difference between Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive, and Uninvolved parenting styles. Your son is old enough to be given some responsibility but not too much. Authoritarian parents do not give their children enough responsibility and try to control the children too much; on the other side the continuum Uninvolved parents or Permissive parents give their children too much control and responsibility. Authoritative parents find just the right balance for their childs age. Take some parenting classes, gain some parenting skills. Raising a child is a full time job, yet we Americans think we can do it part time; it just does not work that way. Where is his father? Your son needs a positive male roll motel, find him one. Every parent has something to learn about parenting. No one automatically knows how to raise a child, yet people try to start parenting everyday without acquiring knowledge of how to do it. Raising a child is more complicated than driving a car, and a lot people learn to drive a car before they get in one and just start driving. We should do the same when trying to do things even more complicated, like raising children. Go to Google and do a search on parenting classes and your city, or the closet city to you, or ask your counselor where some parenting classes are. Do not take your child to a pill happy psychiatrist like my mom did. Pills are just a Band-Aid!!!!!!!! They do not fix the problem, anything worth having requires work, and peace of mind is no different.