Hi, I came to this community hoping for some adivce and reassurance. My 13yo son has just been diagnosed with ADHD, however, I am not comfortable with the child psych, and dont feel comfortable with the diagnosis either, though something is obviously wrong.

The doctor was very 'better than you' and diagnosed my son in 7 mins, saying Ritalin, but not much else, and not offering alternatives. He questioned 3 times, why I hadn't already worked it out, and I left feeling that he just wanted to get us out of there, and prescribing a tablet would achieve that.

My ex does not support my son being medicated, or getting a second opinion, and sent a letter to the doctor saying that, therefore the doctor cannot write a script. My ex has been invited to attend any appointments regarding this, but refuses to come saying there isn't a problem. However, my son has tried to stab his brother twice and his sister once, he is verbally awful: blaming, put downs, loud, rude and disrespect. He has been suspended twice in 3 weeks, he refuses to work at school and it is difficult to predict what will come next. He behaves at school and misbehaves at home when he is with me, and behaves at home, but misbehaves at school when he is with his dad. My reasoning for this is, his dad left us suddenly, without saying goodbye, and my son does not want to risk that, so keeps the home situation over there as good as he can manage. My ex, of course does not agree with this ( he is my ex after all.. thats what exes do!)

I understand that what I just said implies that he can control his behaviour, and he can do that, though its not always controllable. He can go fishing, work on an engine, sit and watch TV, behave when he knows its crucial ( like when we go to Nana's). But I thought that control was the thing that ADHD kids struggled with? There are too many loose ends for an ADHD diagnosis for me... or maybe I am wrong.

Lastly, I would love to read any feedback, or links you offer, but was wondering if any Aussies would answer this last one, as you would be working in the same system as me. What do I do now? I can't sit and do nothing knowing there is something wrong, but I can't do anything either, my ex has my hands tied. I know something will go horribly wrong if this is ignored, it's only time til he hurts someone, maybe accidentally, but still an injury. Where do I go, who do I see? I am reluctant to go to DOCs - have you heard the stories coming out of there lately? I don't feel I am doing my job as his mum if I just say it's all too hard, but he has 1 older and 2 younger siblings, so I can't ignore this, our home os not a nice place to be, and my other children don't feel safe here. I was taking him everywhere, rather than leaving him at home on his own with any of my children, he grew tired of this quickly, and promised to be good - and he was... so it is controllable, mostly.

just not sure what to do next
jen