hey, hope everyone is ok sending smiles and hugs :). Thanks for reading what i have to say. i am 25 years old & i am pretty sure since i broke up with my first love at 18 that i went through something i could not explain, my world kind of colapsed around me and i started doupting my personality and my looks and that i wasn't good enough spending most of my time by myself. i have improved but have never seemed to completely shift the negative person that is me deep down since then - not always but it always comes back to the same downside in the end always. I have been to the doctors and been prescribed anti depressants a few times over the years but never really taken them as i think they seem to hand them out at the drop of a hat sometimes & tired to fight it myself. it almost seems like a way of life now thats why i doesn't seem so bad as you learn to deal with being that way. i find it very confusing looking at all of the different explanations / diagnosis. I hope i don't sound like a hyper condreact & i know that things could be a lot worse for sure. i spend alot of time feeling negative about myself & many things around me often have probs sleeping, suffer from highs and lows, can b very snappy over v simple things & irritable my poor family get the blunt end evryday, am always rushing around and find it very difficult to relax and 'switch off' and wish i could feel on a plain sailing emotion rather than being here there & everywhere! i live my life through emotions and feelings and it can be very tiring. i think about everything too much & I am a very sensitive person - this just gets in the way in my life - apart from making me a v understanding and caring person. things that people seem to deal with feel like a mountain to me. I have lots of friends but when it comes to relationships i am scared to get close to anyone because of the way i am and i worry the way i am will affect this, i have been single for a long time and seem to push anyone away who likes me. I do seem to b mostly negative and wish that i could turn the switch to positive thinking! i know i am a lucky girl who has a stable and happy life around me i'm just wasting time not appreciateing what i have and that is what is so annoying and sorry i know it sound like i'm well feeling sorry 4myself but guess i do & it is ridiculous. thanks xx
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