ADHD / ADD Support Group

Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are more common than you might think. It is a syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Join others who suffer from these conditions and share your experiences.

3 Online
3 Online

Ignorance about ADD/ADHD...

No one should tell any mother, father, caregiver of a ADD/ADHD child or teen how they should be feeling, how they should be raising their children, and definitely shouldn't be judged by them, until they can wear your shoes for one day.

All of us have experienced this time after time. I'm sick of the ignorance, still in our school system, in the public in our own families. I wish for a day when they can give more support for parents in school and we don't have to be made to feel like we are coddling our kids and making excuses for them.

Schools should recognize it is something that does exist very much. It needs more exposure without making our kids feel like they should be ashamed or labeled. Just a wish I have for all of us who deal with this day in and day out.

I am just so TIRE of it.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I agree. I reached my breaking point last year with my mother in law. So I put her in charge of my ADHD Angel for a day...... and I made sure it was a bad day. She never criticized me again. I do my best to ignore everyone else and lay heavily on my faith for the rest.
deleted_user
deleted_user

@michaelinasmommy, Good for you! :-) Sometimes they need that dose of reality to wake them up.

Unfortunately, nothing will wake up my exhusband, father of my teenage son. He's blames me for the way our son is.

Like I gave our son ADHD. He still doesn't believe our son has it. But that's another story.

Like you, what gets me through is my faith, definitely keeps me strong for both my son and I and my new family. :-)
deleted_user
deleted_user

@Michaelinasmommy - you made me laugh for the 1st time today. @sydney65 My ex and his family kept saying maybe "WE" don't discipline my son enough. Maybe "WE" let him watch to much tv or play games. Maybe "WE" let him get away with too much. I told her I didn't know when "WE" became French but the "WE..WE" comments don't apply because "I" am the one who raises him. "I" am the one who does everything for him. So, during the summer I went on vacation with the girls for the week, didn't give them any medicine and didn't give them any tips. My son was giving them a FIT. They changed their tune when I got back. Somehow they lost their French accent. LOL
deleted_user
deleted_user

unfortunatly My husband doesn't get ADHD still even though i'm "inattentive" my oldest son is "inattentive" and we are going through the testing for second child who i believe to be combo hyper/impul. They didn't have all that when i was growing up.. they didn't have that back in the OLD OLD days.. are you kidding me of course they did it just wasn't classified. and they took those children and locked them up.. and when he was in schooll they sent them off to sped class.. or special schools they didn't integrate children who had noticeable issues. :(

I have to say i'm very lucky to have a school system that does believe in compassion and tolerance. That tries to integrate ever stupid. ADHD , autistic. to whatever extend they can handle. i can't believe some of the problems I've been reading about with schools.

I never "make an excuse " for my child but i will tell my mother in law to to shush up.. like this evening when my daughter was in a nasty mood from being over tired she decided she was gonna give them all the third degree zach for not paying attention. ,, evan for his hitting, punchinb, kicking...etc.. aila for yelling (aila i don't have concerns for i think she's just watching the behavior..and tonight she was just very over tired. I stopped her dead in her tracks and said do you realize what your doing? Your telling them they have to try harder and your sick of this and that. and blah blah and blah.. don't you think they've heard that. evan comes up after everime he'd hurt someone then calmed down had a time out and apologized. he is a loving child. you can clearly see he is NOT incontrol it's like possession. Right now he's behaving and your lecturing him.. it's not fairl. never mind your tone said bad bad bad. and you were being long winded so he stopped lisening. 3 secs in after he started hearing how bad he's being.. We are handiling this don't lecture them. and we will discipline. (me and hubby). dRIVES ME NUTS..
deleted_user
deleted_user

@LoveKing and @michaelinasmommy, that's too funny how the 2 of you handled your family. I am glad it worked for you both.

I also remember hearing the same ignorant criticism and used to feel so inadequate for years as a parent b/c I did not know my son had ADHD until his teen years.

I am glad I stuck up for my son and my own beliefs. I do believe in consequences. They are needed b/c when they reach 18 years old, everyone has to abide by the rules, there's no excuses. So it's critical that they do have consequences.

but the discipline my ex wanted was corporal punishment, I refused to do that. yes, a spank on the rear end or the hand and even with that I rarely did. but NOTgrabbing my young son in anger by his collar to put the living fear in him.

So now I am the bad parent and my exhusband who moved out of state when we divorced judges me saying his hands are tied and tells his family he feels really bad that can't help his son, that I am ruining our son. Ridiculous and a cop-out considering how he wanted to help our son.

His way of helping him now is repeating versus from the Mormon bible to my son. Forget the fact that my ex switched religions and expects his son to do the same. Telling our son, his mother is the wrong path and he needs to go the right path.

I'm sorry I am just am tire of ignorance. I am sure everyone experienced this and I am thankful for the support and knowing that I'm not alone. :-)
Bobby5000
Bobby5000

I can certainly sympathize with how you are feeling. However, if you tell schools what they should do, I think they have a right to respond.

Ultimately ADHD parents and kids have to adjust to the school, not vice versa. The thing a parent needs to do is help their ADHD child develop needed skills and adjust to the work. Likewise in a divorce scenario, the other parent has a right to discuss and even disagree about diagnosis, though blaming the other parent (curiously not himself) is silly and unproductive. Stress and conflict do tend to aggravate ADHD type problems.

I am speaking about ADHD with its classic symptoms of inattention, forgetfulness, disorganization, difficulty listening, excessive physical activity and unsuccesful multi-tasking. Other childhool issues may pose difficult issues about which I don't feel qualified to comment. Since I have the classic symptoms of ADHD, and work hard to deal with them, I feel I can talk about this. (my oldest has quipped on a couple of occasions when things go wrong, "another victim of ADD.")
deleted_user
deleted_user

I agree 100%! I was just recently diagnosed with ADD, and I've been dealing with it my whole life, but no one ever bothered to care. All people saw was a lazy girl. No one ever asked me how I felt, or what was happening. Oh, but they were SO quick to judge me. Schools are the worst. When teachers can't handle their students, they immediately want to label them ADHD and give them drugs. It's become a bad thing, almost. @Michaelinasmommy, good one!! My mom did something like that with my brother, only she did it to a school teacher of his.
deleted_user
deleted_user

can I just say HELL YA! Sorry that just needed to be said! as if dealing with our child isn't exhausting enough, they try to weigh us down with their stares, judgments,labels, and constant belittling. Not all in my daughters school system are this way, but over the years there have been several who have made it so difficult for her. Now that she is in high school they seem to be dealing with it much better
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am at a new school this year, and no matter how many times I ask or email the teacher questions, she will not reply, but sh ehas no problems writing home letters about how terrible my kid has been, its so frustrating. and to top it off my daughter came home from school the other day and we were talking about how she needs to be more respectful towards her teahers (a huge problem) and she said yah but I dont like it when she screams in my ear.. Now I dont even know what to do, I cant have them switch her teacher, shes in 4th grade and all the 4th grade teachers are her teacher, she switches classes. and I cannot even begin to afford to send her to the private school in town. Breaks my heart that I have to make her go to school where she is being disrespected, and then preach to her about how she needs to learn to respect others. this school year just started and is already a nightmare.
deleted_user
deleted_user

brandi i'm sneaky you could always send her to school with a little digital voice recorder. and tell her to turn it on before she goes into that class because you can't sit in her class all day but you need to know how she's honestly treating her.. no one should be disrespecting anyone. which i think frustrates me the most about adhd judgements. i still maintain i'm so so lucky to have school systen that has wanted to work with my children. last year my oldest son was diagnosed add. his teacher was a mom to adhd little girl (she was hyper impulsive zach is inattentive) but she really WORKED with him. understood forgetfullness but worked with him to get to do better. understood that he KNEW what he wanted to get down in a book report but could organize his thought sso if he sat down to write his paper which would take HOURS it would still come out jumbled up even though he put alll his effort into it.. so they created a system of okay opening and bullet points the incline.. climax and resolution type parts.. an then bulllet pointed cut out the thoughts and put them in order. then he copied them down.. so he still did all the work but it came out organized. and in proper format. she worked wonders. He started medicaiton and was active in follow ups and letting me know how he was doing always telling me stregnths and improvements as well as weakness. If only all teachers really had the students best interest at heart.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I wish her teachers would be like that, I sent papers to be filled out for the dr to evaluate her meds it took them a month to get them back to me, they complain every day about her behavior but cant fill out a piece of paper so that I can get her the help she needs to make it better. a recorder would work only she wouldn't leave it be, shed play with it and get it taken away. and they have to keep their backpacks in locker so I couldn't hide it from her... but that's a great idea, I need to think of something.
deleted_user
deleted_user

@bobbi5000, I do agree people are entitled to their opinions. I really could care less about what my ex thinks & he can have his opinion. What saddens me is how his ignorance affects our son. We should be able to work together.

The same when it comes to the school. I bent over backwards to help them with my son. I asked for their help for two years into my son's High School years and they denied it. Why? Because something "really" bad had to happen before they can help my son. This is what assistant principal told me.

So yes, that really bad thing happened and that's when they decided to help when it was too "late".

Yes, there were very good teaches that my son was fortunate to have and I will always be grateful. But then there were others that were having trouble to comply with the 504 plan.

I firmly believe schools should work with parents, the same way teachers expect parents to work with them. It takes a team effort. Not a school that is more interested in "protecting" themselves.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I hear ya! unfortunately the ignorance I faced was with my husband. He always had a negative image off ADD/ADHD/Ritalin. So when my daughter was struggling in school he was blaming me for not reading with her enough etc. So when the school wanted her tested for a Learning Disability they discovered the ADD. When I told my DH he flipped and again blamed me for not working with her enough from home. When she was officially diagnosed with Inattentive ADD (I was just diagnosed with the same thing two months ago) He flat out refused to put her on meds. He even made a comment that he did homework with her and taught her how to count on her fingers. My response was "Yeah!, well Ive taught her how to count on her fingers tons of times. bring her upstairs and ask her to do it. I guarantee she wont remember how to do it." With my daughter we always had to reteach the basics and couldn not move on from there. I finally got my DH to let me try it for a month. It was a rough time in our marriage because I felt like DH was making me choose between him and the well being of our child. Also, someone told him about kids losing weight on it so he definately didnt want that. Espcially since Emily is petite to start off with. I told him that I would watch her diet carefully to make sure she didnt lose weight.

We tried Biphentin 20mg for a month and the results were awesome. Within a month I got a not from the teacher saying Emily jumped up 7 levels in reading. Emily was happy at school and felt like the pills made her smart. LOL.

Jump ahead 6 months to last weekend. I forgot to give Emily her medication on Saturday and she drove both my DH and I nuts. She was all over the place, whiney, argumentative etc. I told my DH that night that I had forgoten to give her her pill. The next day DH told me "make sure you giver her her pill, I dont want a repeat of yesterday." So he is now a believer. Also, Emily's weight has remained the same and she grew from the last appt.
deleted_user
deleted_user

@melpap12, that is awesome that you did not give up & your husband can see the light so the 2 of you can continue helping your daughter together.

Equally wonderful that you were able to find the right medication for your daughter. So many do not find it. Please tell Emily, that the meds don't make her intelligent, it is all her. The meds just help her focus better. She sounds like a great kid & no surprise she has you! :-)
deleted_user
deleted_user

@Brandiguess, that is a shame that the teacher is not responding to your email. Especially since they are complaining, you would think they would want to help your daughter's doctor to find the right meds for her.

I understand especially since I had a very similar issue especially with one of my son's teachers. My son was on the 504 plan and she still refused to answer my email on a timely matter.

She only did when I had to "bother" the person in charge of the 504 plan so he can remind her she needed to comply with the 504 plan.

But by the time she responded, my son was so behind his assignments, it was hard for him to catch up. Her mentality was that my son was very smart and he could NOT have ADHD and that he was just being "lazy". Ignorance, once again.

So I do understand and hope that you can speak to the principal and if he or she doesn't help, go higher up. I'm not sure if your daughter is on any type of plan? If she is not, try to get her on one.

Hang in there, you are not alone, though I do understand that some schools can make parents with kids that have ADD/ADHD feel like we are and that we are not doing enough for our kids. But we know better. You are an excellent parent, remember this.