ADHD / ADD Support Group

Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are more common than you might think. It is a syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Join others who suffer from these conditions and share your experiences.

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ADD husband can't keep a job!

I was wondering if anyone else has this problem, and what can be done about it. My husband can't keep a job for more than 6 months (usually it's less than 2) because of things he says or does that are because of his ADD (impulsively, short-temper, moodiness, immaturity, etc.). He either gets fired for doing something stupid, or quits suddenly without considering the consequences.

How can I get my husband to understand how important it is that he behave well enough to keep a job??? He is the breadwinner; I stay home with our 3 children (and we are expecting a 4th in Feb.), so me working is not an option right now.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Using ADD as an excuse is a bad idea... that makes it WORSE
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am most certainly NOT excusing the behavior, just explaining it. He doesn't get off THAT easily!
deleted_user
deleted_user

you said he says its because of his ADD... how is that not using ADD as an excuse?
deleted_user
deleted_user

IT IS A CAUSE, NOT AN EXCUSE. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. LOOK IT UP.
deleted_user
deleted_user

He can control it, regardless
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have been there myself and I feel for your husband. There are some things that have help me personaly:
1. Self education about my condition. Lots of reading and sharing with the partner or spouse about the new findings.
2. Facing my reality and moving forward towards change, this is like glancing at one's future with optimism.
3. Counseling and Medical doctor when the "natural way" does not work. I seeked medical help after I read books about my condition and based on what
I learned about myself, I help my doctors and counselor to find the right help for me.
4. Support of family, friends church, etc. Your husband is very lucky he has your support; that is something I dont get from my wife.
5. Excersice and great sex. That reduces the stresses of life and makes us open to change.
6. Use ADDvantages to gain a living. Have his make an acessment of his abilities and find a job that goes with that. There are even jobs where the ADD weaknesses are strengths.
I hope this can help.

The ITadmin

A good counselor.
deleted_user
deleted_user

i CAN RELATE RIGHT NOW i M NOT TAKING PILL FOR ADHD AND I CANT KEEP A JOB I COPLAIN ALL THE TIME I WILL ADMIT IT MY BOYFRIEND MAKES ME GO TO WORK I CANT FOCUS AT ALL I KNOW I NEED PILLS BAD ASAP, I DONT THINK THAT GIRL UNDERSTANDS THAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE IT WORSE THEN OTHERS I HAVE IT PRETTY BAD. I'LL ADMIT I CANT KEEP A JOB.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Well, I was on academic probation last semester... I've been failing out of school basically my whole life. I don't really feel bad for myself. i used to blame it on ADD because doctors would tell me that's what it was. that's what everyone told me. now i know i can control my behavior... ADD might as well be a bogus diagnosis. I'm doing much better in school, finally, at the age of 21
deleted_user
deleted_user

Is he medicated for his ADHD? would he? This would probably help him with his daily life.
deleted_user
deleted_user

He has an RX for Ritalin from the VA, but they only prescribe generics, so he can't get the XR kind... he's always missing his noon dose, even though he sets an alarm for it. It's so frustrating. It helps him focus, but doesn't seem to do much else good.
deleted_user
deleted_user

i dont think lilu0509 understands i dont like the comment she has said i realy dont think she can relate,i think she shouldnt say add is a excuse i dont belive it.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I hope things are going better with your husband. I am 40 years old and I have lived my whole life without knowing that I was an ADDer, until last October, just when I discover that I truly had it. I was in great depression with a desire to end my life on the day of my birthday, I was about to loose my marriage, my job and every dream to have a future with those I love (6 y old Son and Wife). Many factors lead me to the loss of performance and eventually my termination... I got fired due to performance. My depression was so severe that I had difficulty remembering names. I could not sleep during the night and I was not able to get up rested and reenergized for the beginning of a new day. While I was still on a improvement performance plan at work, I decided to take a couple vacation days to think about what I was going to do. I decided to read all kinds of books related to ADD and ADHD and immediately booked an appointment with a counselor. Based on my findings, I was an ADDer without a doubt. I spend two days reading books from start to finish as if those were the last books I would read in my life, including the books of Psalms. Since king David wrote many of those while facing harsh life threatening issues. I came across this site and I kept educating myself about my condition. In the process of recovery, I fired a counselor because it was not working out, my needs were not being addressed and I did not have time to waste. I found the best Psychiatrist in the metropolitan area of my city and right away started medication for depression, but I made it clear my depression was triggered by the frustrations created by the day to day living with ADD. He listened to me and then about 4 weeks later, per my recommendation he gave me a medication what turned out to be effective within 2 or 3 days.
Some positive changes I made were:
1. Quit coffee completely. Because that can bring your brain from an Alpha state to a Beta state (state of panic). I switched to Mate Yerba (which is a tea from Argentina, keeps you calm and alert while it gives you the benefits of the natural caffeine).
2. Educated myself with more and more books and articles on ADD and ADHD, contact the local library etc.
3. Avoided greasy foods. Greasy foods make my stomach upset and then it affects my mood, But that is just me, substitute this suggestion by giving up fast food.
4. Exercised at least an hour a day.
5. Avoided taking more tasks than I should. Learning to say "no" to more and "yes" to less to avoid cluttering of any kind.
6. Practiced some instrument, I went back to playing the guitar lately. I got involved with my church playing the guitar.
7. Communication and Intimacy, I have increased the level of intimacy with my wife as for an ADDer is easy to find sex as an outlet to our frustrations and I want to make sure this outlet is not outside my marriage. This aspect of ADD is addressed in the book "The Davinci Method". In the process to succeed in this regards, I have also made an effort to stay away from on line pornography.
8. Last, I have been learning new things and developing new strategies everyday. For example, cant remember to take your medication? Set your cell phone alarms to give you a reminder. I got 2 alarms set. One to wake up in the morning, second one to remind me of the med .

I hated it when I learned that I had ADD but at the same time I was reborned again as I discovered where my strengths and potentials are more clearly. I also struggled with school when I was growing up but I made it through by always looking for creative strategies to learn new things. I have a BS in technology and an AAS in Network engineering, and I also speak other languages. If I could do it, anyone can do it is my thinking. Just stay positive, get organized by developing a system and open up to get some help from others.

I lost my job on Nov 9 and got hired to start a new job in Dec 17, I love my current job. It goes along with my ADDvantages. :) I was honest with my current employer about my termination and he admired my transparency. They invited my family to their Christmas party before I even started my job. They gave us gifts for Christmas on my first week of employment. Now it is my greatest desire to do the best I can for my employer and for our clients.
I hope this is inspirational to you that people can turn around and change.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Thank you so much for all that great info, ITadmin! I have another question for you, though... what kinds of jobs are best for ADDvantages?? My husband is currently unemployed, and it is proving difficult to figure out what kinds of jobs to even look for! He was a great security officer at the local mental hospital (haha), but due to PTSD issues, he was fired for having a trauma flashback on the job -- ridiculous, I know! We are at a loss! Thanks
deleted_user
deleted_user

aries, good luck getting better. ADD doesn't get better until your attitude about it changes. take it from some one who has struggled with the diagnosis for 15 years
deleted_user
deleted_user

Did you know this before you got married? Did he get any help before your marriage? I had to work less than a month after my child was born.You do what you have to when you have no other choice.Either he needs to get it together or you need to go to work and let him stay home.