Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group

The pressures of sex from peers, the media and culture can be overwhelming, but you are in total control of your body and celibacy is a choice that many are making. Find sanctuary with people who are choosing to abstain without fear of judgment.

0 Online
0 Online

Sex after celibacy?

I hope that you all can give me some advice. I decided to become celibate 20 years ago due to previous unhealthy relationships and an STD scare. It was the best decision for me and one that I don't regret. After lots of soul searching and personal work, I am starting to date again.

How do you tell someone you have been celibate for 20 years?? DO you tell them at all? I have these irrational fears that they will 'be able to tell' and that the whole experience will not go well. ( I should also share that I was sexually active with men in the past and continued to be active by myself throughout this period).

Any advice would be appreciated - I'm starting to get a bit anxious as more time passes.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

If you are getting anxious, perhaps it's not a good idea to stop your celibacy.
Procreation, not recreation. Relationships are more than just sexual encounters.
Honesty is the best policy-20 yrs is an amazing accomplishment.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I should be more clear - I am secure in my decision to end my celibacy, but I am a bit nervous as to his reaction. Many thanks.
neilster
neilster

Hey I went 5 years and confessed it right up front... my reason was actually pretty simple: Women drive me crazy and sex makes me addicted to them, leading to extreme insanity.

I was waiting for the right one who wouldn't do this.. this girl is amazing.. so celibacy because he was the right one is the best thing to say.. my girl was so happy i chose her.. even if that is not the reason for you.. borrow mine and apply it, he'll be happy :)
wolfiepa
wolfiepa

late,

How will anyone be able to tell? I personally would not bother saying anything at all. The only instance in which I would volunteer the info is during the preliminary issue of safe sex practices in which I would admit that I have been celibate since 1998 and when I was sexual I always practiced safe sex and if that's not good enough, I'll move on.

It is that simple, I am not downplaying your anxiety but perhaps before you even go that far, that being sexual with others, you may want to work on yourself to the point where your self esteem is so healthy that even if you get rejected, it will not matter.

As an aside, I had been very sexual prior to my celibacy and the partners I had were nothing to write home about. It's not about technique but more about how you feel about yourself.

Hope this helps,
Wolf
deleted_user
deleted_user

I had a similar issue, and engaged a male prostitute. I explained to him that I feel really worried after a period of celibacy and he was really nice about it.
I was able to put to rest fears that an intercourse will hurt, or that men will find some scarring from pregnancy uncomfortable and that my vagina was too stretched.
I got the idea from Germany, where ill and disable people can engage sexual workers to meet their sexual needs.