Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group

The pressures of sex from peers, the media and culture can be overwhelming, but you are in total control of your body and celibacy is a choice that many are making. Find sanctuary with people who are choosing to abstain without fear of judgment.

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???IS MASTURBATING WRONG???

I have been celibate on and off, before i met my ex paul i was celibate for liek 8 months, now that we are broken up i have been celibate, but recently i slept with him, then i fired him, i am celibate now and can't see a man touching me other than the man i marry. so i have masturbated before and whenever i do it i feel incredbibly guitly. i even throught away a box of vibarators. which sometimes i miss, growing up in a very religious home i was taught masterbating is wrong, in the bible there is a scirpture that says any man that thinks of being with a woman while married has sinned therefore commiting adultry, so this is what alot of christians try to refer to as why masturbating is wrong bc it leads to unpure thoughts and for some it leads to watching pornos which can also lead to unpure thoughs and watching others fornicate and commit adultry, with that being said, i would kindly apreciate mature answers, do you think masterbation is wrong, I am contemplating wether i should by a vibrator, I also try my damnest to avoid sexually tempatations that could lead me to do it or want to do it, however sometimes i fail, so all i can do is pray.

Replies

wolfiepa
wolfiepa

Being celibate means not having sex with others, it does not mean you cannot masturbate.

Masturbation is healthy not doing so leads to neurosis and compulsive behaviors because that energy has go go somewhere. Actually, forced abstinence as in not masturbation whatsoever can lead to unhealthy sexual behaviors such as unsafe sex and unwanted pregnancy, that is why the abstinence programs do not work.

Had I been abstinent since 1998, I would have never been able to be celibate for that long. Religion is out of touch with human behavior. Of course, everything in moderation. As my 13 year old brother wisely said in Catholic School when he was caught masturbating in the bathroom. "If God had not wanted us to masturbate, he would have not given us hands."

As for sexual temptations, the best way to avoid them is not to give them importance whatsoever and not to think of them as something that you need. No one tempts me anymore because I know exactly what I am missing: headaches, problems, drama and not to mention STDs.

Enjoy yourself,
Wolf
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have this problem, just as u do I feel guilty which means conviction. I threw away my stuff as well, wutever u think in ur mind is the same as doin it bcuz its coming frm ur heart, one cannot masterbate w/out having sexual thoughts, its a tough temptation, I know it! I pray for forgiveness and im tired of it. Often God reminds me, if I cant control myself from this issue, how can he trust me to control myself in a relationship?? It is wrong, just keep praying, an open door welcomes sin, and sin always has another sin to follow.
wolfiepa
wolfiepa

maganda,

With all due respect, just because it works that way for you, it does not mean, it works that way for all of us. Furthermore, just because say some religions think masturbation is wrong and sinful, it does not mean that it is.

I will also point out, women have been oppressed enough by religion, in my humble opinion, I do think they do no need to oppress themselves on top of it.

Personally, I have been celibate for quite a while and I have masturbated off and on but my sex drive is healthy, I masturbate rarely and i have yet to be tempted to commit other sins, as you say.

Incidentally, you can indeed masturbate without having sexual thoughts. In fact, to do so without sexual thoughts is the optimal way to do it by simply being in the moment and being present, that is to simply feel the sensations and focus on that. Sexual thoughts of any kind actually serve as a distraction and actually diminishes the experience. I know this to be true because that's how I do it.

The reasoning you give that if you cannot be trusted from keeping yourself from masturbating then how can you be trusted in a relationship has to do with impulse control,. not masturbation, in itself. Not to mention God would never impose such thing on someone because we all have free will, after all.

While I am on the subject, I ask those of you who are Christians or anti masturbation not to impose your beliefs on others, because as I said, women have enough issues with their own sexuality as it is, they do not need to feel worse about themselves over something psychologists have called a very healthy outlet and I have already explained what happens when such outlet is repressed.

And before someone starts quoting Scripture to support their position, please refrain because this is not a Christian exclusive group. Not to mention that such Scripture would not be life affirming, in the least.

We are here to encourage one another, not to make others guilty or imply they are sinners when in reality we are all different and we are all trying to find our way.

So please respect those of us who do not think like you. We'll get along just fine.

My two rubles' worth,
Wolf
deleted_user
deleted_user

It's funny that you would ask Christians not to impose their views when she appears to be asking for the Christian point of view. I personally have no opinion on masturbation, and although I could quote scriptures, it's something I still struggle with so I don't have the answer.

Wolfie, you come into these forums, make it clear that you are not a Christian, and then try to quote the Bible, you bash Christians, and impose your views on others. I think it's fair that you ask for the Christians to not always try to impose their views on non-Christians, but by the same token, if you are not a Christian, then I ask that you stop trying to debate scripture and morality with those who are.

This is not a malicious posting, and I hope you don't take it that way. When you get saved, there is a measure of wisdom that you receive from having Jesus in your heart. Trying to interpret the scriptures without that is difficult if not impossible. If you keep reading the Bible as much as you seem to, then I hope you eventually get the 'point', which is that Jesus is the only way to the Father. I don't understand people who read the Bible (not talking about you Wolfie) who try and say the Bible is a great book for morals but they aren't saved. Jesus claimed to be the Son of God and the only way to salvation. If you don't believe that, then apparently he is a huge liar, so why would you believe anything else in the Bible? Anyway, I don't want this thread to turn into another religious debate, especially when neither of us is going to sway the other. Mutual respect of beliefs is a reachable goal, however.

1 Corinthians 1:30: But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption.
wolfiepa
wolfiepa

SingleDad,

It was never my intention to attack anyone's beliefs in any way. All I was asking was not to make her feel worse than she already does about the subject.

And I was not criticizing someone else's belief, per se but I admit masturbation is an explosive subject in itself. Believe me, I was raised Catholic, I was made to feel bad about myself in every way shape or form and the Bible was used to do that. Nothing new there, I admit.

In reality, we really do not know how God feels about that since the book we are using to get the answer is about 2,000 years old. And I'd like to think we have evolved a lot since then.

Again, I am not trying to impose my views either. I was simply offering another view on the subject with a tiny request. If it seemed like an imposition it may be due to my wording, I tend to be passionate about certain things.

Peace,
Wolf

P.S. We are all the sons and daughters of God, otherwise why would Jesus call us his brothers or sisters if it were not so? incidentally. :)



I consider m
ladybugluvs
ladybugluvs

The hardest thing in the about te subject of masterbation is the fact that there is no where in the bible that says masterbation is wrong. Only fornicatoin, adultury, and man shall not lie with man, and woman shall not lie with woman

Leviticus 18:22 (New International Version)

22 Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.


Matthew 27 You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery. 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

Exodus 20:14 (English Standard Version)

14(A) "You shall not commit adultery.

James 2:11 11 For he who said, You shall not commit adultery,[a] also said, You shall not murder.[b] If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.


1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (New King James Version)
18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body[a] and in your spirit, which are Gods.

John 8:3-11 (New International Version)
3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say? 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her. 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?

11 No one, sir, she said.

Then neither do I condemn you, Jesus declared. Go now and leave your life of sin.


1 Corinthians 7
Concerning Married Life
1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 6:15-18 (New International Version)
15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, The two will become one flesh.[a] 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.[b]

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

Romans 1:27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

So i point out every scirpture in the word of god that talks down on FORNICATION AND ADULTRY, why have religions said that masterbation is wrong, WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT IN THE WORD OF GOD so many religions are distorted. man has said it is wrong. has god said that it was wrong. I am a born again christian, who only reads the bible i think relgion hs become quite distorted and evil, the bible stands for BASIC INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE LEAVING EARTH so how do we humans know if god thinks masterbation is wrong, the bible is black and white, all of these scriptures refer to fornciation, homosexuality and adultry, How do we know if Paul masterbated, how do we know if lydia masterbated, these are two indviduals that were celibate among many in the bible. The answer is there is no clear answer, For when i masterbate i do use my imagination but these are just that imaginations, things i would not do in the real. for me i do it once in awhile, I think the only bad thing about my masterbating is that sometimes i watch pornograpy, then shut it off before i even masterbate. pornography we can assume it is bad bc it is condoning fornication. so that makes since, even if watching a married couple i don't know but i would assume that is bad. i think the only reason i feel guilty is bc i was rasied as a Jehovah witness, and they have there own books they have one book titled the young people ask book in which they have a chapter about why masterbation is wrong. so i feel like man has made this an issue, i am no longer a JW bc of there man made rules, i prefer to watch joel osteen and i read my bible everyday, jesus was not religious, but he was a jewish man who created christianty, he explained that there would be a destoration in religion, many false religions and prophets, look at the example of the samartian woman, jesus still spoke to her despite her background, so today as jesus prophiesized in matthew and revelation, there would be tons of confusion, which is why i just read the word. i have this inpending guilt bc of the JWs they are a horrible religion in which i will write a book revealing how they have defiled Jehovahs name but thats another story, if you can show me where it says that masterbation is wrong then wow, but as someone who walks with my bible where ever go to work and at home its not yet found by me, the men against masterbation seems to be mere human interpretation
deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow poor ladybug, and I all you want was no guilt for masterbasting and you got a religious pissing contest.
It's funny how WV can quote one scripture at the end, which has nothing to do with masterbasting.
I just went to bibleverses.com and put in king james and looked both masturbating and masturbation and not one single bible verse came up.
Parental guilt is horrible. It can really mess with your sex life. Sexual sin, is sleeping with a married man, sleeping with a women, and having sex before marriage. None of the 10 commandments say "thou shall not masterbate."

I hope this is what you wanted to hear, now be free.
wolfiepa
wolfiepa

Thksexy,

Which is exactly what I requested not to actually take place.

Go figure,
Wolf
deleted_user
deleted_user

Well since this is lady's thread and she seems to want the Christian view, here it is.

Jesus said: "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

When we fantasize about having sex with someone else, it is the same as committing that sin in our heart. This is why some would consider masturbation to be wrong. The bible also says "Let each of you work out your own salvation with fear and trembling" and "if your heart convicts you not".

Lady, ultimately only you can god can decide what is right for you. If you are struggling with guilt and condemnation, I think you have your answer.
deleted_user
deleted_user

That was "you and God", of course.

Don't let any non-Christians absolve you, and don't let any Christians condemn you.

Blessings.
deleted_user
deleted_user

You asked for advice from a Christian perspective so here's my opinion. I'm a Christian and also struggle with the same thing. I've heard that to hate someone is to commit murder in your heart and to look at a man/woman with lust is to commit adultery in your heart. There's also the commandment that says thou shall not lie. Those are only 3 of the 10 commandments, and I break all 3 of those at times. No one but Jesus is perfect, so we are going to screw up. We just have to try our best to not screw up and to ask and receive forgiveness from both God and ourselves when we do. Honestly I do not know if masturbation is right or wrong, but since I feel guilty when I do it, I think it is better for me personally to try to avoid it. Some things I have found helpful are to pray about it, dance, read the Bible, or distract myself with something else. I'm also trying to look at it as I am trying to please my Father out of love, not out of obligation, which changes things. I know this perspective is wrong, but it helps too: the guy I am "talking to" is a very strong Christian (he's Wesleyan) and sometimes I think "What would he think if he knew this..." and it helps me to resist. Like others said, it doesn't explicitly say don't masturbate in the Bible. Women have been oppressed by the misinterpretation of the Bible. Yes it says women obey your husbands, but it also talks about how deeply husbands should love their wives. I've heard it described that basically men should earn respect from women through their words and actions, not demand respect. I'm not going to tell you that it is right or isn't right to masturbate, you have to make that call by looking at what you personally believe. If you don't think it's right, then try your best to resist and don't beat yourself up too much when you do give in. If you don't see a problem with it, then don't worry about it. Accountability partners can also be helpful if you want to resist the temptation to masturbate and know someone well enough to have that conversation. Remember that God created you and knows your heart. He knows you're struggling and is there for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Thanks Hannah, that was really good insight. :)

If you want more of a contemporary secular outlook, you might want to read a book on sexual addiction. Patrick Carnes has some excellent ones, I am reading one of his books now.

He believes that masturbation isn't so much about lust as it is a way to cope with pain. I know this is true about me, whenever I have the 'urge', it's not because I am aroused and need relief, it's because I am lonely or experiencing some pain that usually leads back to childhood hurts. I am in intense counseling right now, digging down in to 'origin' issues and childhood hurts. I hope that when I can heal my inner child, it will help me to resist all sorts of destructive behaviors, masturbation being one of them.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Here is an excerpt. I don't know if he is a Christian or not, and he never says whether masturbation is right or wrong, but just addresses the motivation.
------------------------------
Masturbation is a complex phenomenon. The Sacred Congregation for Catholic Education in 1974 pointed out that one of the causes of masturbation was sexual imbalance, and that in education "efforts should be directed rather toward the causes than in attacking the problem directly."4 Indeed there are many factors implied in the term "sexual imbalance" as we shall see.

This is a wise approach. We will not understand why a person is burdened with this habit unless we know something about his background. From listening to people one discerns that loneliness is a prime mover, leading the individual into isolation, fantasy, and masturbation. Loneliness is usually joined with feelings of deep self-hatred and anger. When the real world is harsh and forbidding, one turns to fantasy, and when one spends much time in a fantasy world, he becomes enslaved with sexual objects (for that is the way he sees other persons, as objects).

Thereafter he will flee to the unreal but pleasant world of his imagination. This is the beginning of sexual addiction, so well described by Patrick Carnes.5

So often the habit of masturbation becomes compulsive, that is to say, the person is not able to control masturbatory activity in spite of great efforts to do so. Usually such a person is lacking in insight and needs therapy in conjunction with spiritual direction.

Sometimes, however, the habit of masturbation is temporary and circumstantial. For example, as soon as an individual is out of a given environment, the tendency to masturbate disappears. In one environment a twenty-five-year-old nun was surrounded by older religious with whom there was no real communication, and in the second environment she was working with religious of her own age. She was quick to realize that she was isolated and lonely in the first group, and engaged in real relationships in the second. Many other examples could be given where the masturbatory activity is symptomatic of other underlying forces in the person's life.

These symptoms, so varied in terms of age, external circumstances of life, and interior dispositions will be described and evaluated in the Pastoral Section of this essay. Suffice it to say at this point - that the first step which the priest/counselor should take is to listen carefully to the counselee telling his/her story. Obviously, this should be done when there are no long lines outside the confessional, and preferably in a parish conference room, and only when the counselor perceives that the counselee is spinning one's wheels, so to speak, badly needing spiritual guidance. Having said this, I shall come back to psychological factors in discussing individual cases after I have considered the morality of masturbatory acts and habits.
deleted_user
deleted_user

That is a good point too! Look at the reason behind the action, instead of just the action itself.
ladybugluvs
ladybugluvs

Your Guide to Masturbation
Masturbation is the self-stimulation of the genitals to achieve sexual arousal and pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm (sexual climax). It is commonly done by touching, stroking, or massaging the penis or clitoris until an orgasm is achieved. Some women also use stimulation of the vagina to masturbate or use "sex toys," such as a vibrator.

Who Masturbates?
Just about everybody. Masturbation is a very common behavior, even among people who have sexual relations with a partner. In one national study, 95% of males and 89% of females reported that they have masturbated. Masturbation is the first sexual act experienced by most males and females. In young children, masturbation is a normal part of the growing child's exploration of his or her body. Most people continue to masturbate in adulthood, and many do so throughout their lives.

Why Do People Masturbate?
In addition to feeling good, masturbation is a good way of relieving the sexual tension that can build up over time, especially for people without partners or whose partners are not willing or available for sex. Masturbation also is a safe sexual alternative for people who wish to avoid pregnancy and the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases. It also is necessary when a man must give a semen sample for infertility testing or for sperm donation. When sexual dysfunction is present in an adult, masturbation may be prescribed by a sex therapist to allow a person to experience an orgasm (often in women) or to delay its arrival (often in men).

Is Masturbation Normal?
While it once was regarded as a perversion and a sign of a mental problem, masturbation now is regarded as a normal, healthy sexual activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable, and safe. It is a good way to experience sexual pleasure and can be done throughout life.

Masturbation is only considered a problem when it inhibits sexual activity with a partner, is done in public, or causes significant distress to the person. It may cause distress if it is done compulsively and/or interferes with daily life and activities.

Is Masturbation Harmful?
In general, the medical community considers masturbation to be a natural and harmless expression of sexuality for both men and women. It does not cause any physical injury or harm to the body, and can be performed in moderation throughout a person's lifetime as a part of normal sexual behavior. Some cultures and religions oppose the use of masturbation or even label it as sinful. This can lead to guilt or shame about the behavior.

Some experts suggest that masturbation can actually improve sexual health and relationships. By exploring your own body through masturbation, you can determine what is erotically pleasing to you and can share this with your partner. Some partners use mutual masturbation to discover techniques for a more satisfying sexual relationship and to add to their mutual intimacy.



WebMD Medical Reference
Reviewed by Raya Almufti Abraham, MD on March 04, 2010

OKAY SO LOOKING AT THIS FROM A NON CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE OR RELIGIOIS PERSPECTIVE, THIS IS THE MEDICAL VEIW, AS I SAID EARLY SINGLE DAD IN MY POST EARLIER, THAT THE BIBLE IS PRETTY BLACK AND WHITE, THERE IS NO WEAR WHERE IT SAYS MASTURBATION IS WRONG AND THAT IS MY POINT, NO ONE CAN PROVE THAT, HUMANS HAVE ONLY PUT IN THERE OWN PERCEPTIONS OF WHAT THET THINK THIS SCIRIPTURE OR THAT SCRIPTUTRE MEANS, THIS HAS BECOME A MAN MADE POLICY. NOT A GOD ONE, LIKE I SAID WHO KNOWS IF PAUL THE APOSTLE AND LYDIA BOTH KNOW FOR THE CELIBACY IN THE BIBLE MASTURBATED, SO UNTIL SOMEONE CAN SHOW ME THAT I QUESTION IF ITS REALL WRONG, I THINK ITS NATURAL AND MY GROWING UP AS A JEHOVAH WITNESS, SO I THINK THAT IS WHERE MY GUILT COMES FROM, NOT BC I AM A SEX ADDICT JUST BC IT HELPS ME RELEASE FROM WHAT I BELIEVE WOULD BE BETTER THAN REAL SEX, i think no one can really answer this question mankind has brainwashed relgion and made this a policy as if they were ordained by god, but how do we know what god feels about this, he instructed all of the writers of the bible through the holy spirt and this is not mentioned, the only thing i have found is this which still makes me wonder is masterbation is right or wrong

Romans 14:14

14 I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean.

So i have masterbating since i was roughly 6 or 7 years old, the reason that i was so young is bc i was sexually abused, however that has nothing to do as to why i masterbate now, i masterbate now as a means to stay away from sex outside of marraige. therefore making it clean to me, man and there own preceptions of whatever religions rules they entail, or there personal opions, so maybe for some of you it is normal and some unclean, but like this scirpture says if it is unclean to that person, then it is unlean, again read my second post it lists all scirptures that state as to all things related to forncation and adultry and homosexuality. nothing against masterbation, so at the end of the day it seems the answer to this question is to each there own, bc of what romans says right here, to me this is not unclean, i have and was brainwashed by a religion that said it was wrong, but i got by what the bible says i prefer the black and white of the scirpture.