Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group

The pressures of sex from peers, the media and culture can be overwhelming, but you are in total control of your body and celibacy is a choice that many are making. Find sanctuary with people who are choosing to abstain without fear of judgment.

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Fear of the pain??

deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi everyone,

I am 23 years old (will be 24 in March) and I am still a virgin by choice. I never really felt it was a big issue or even thought about it much really b/c I have only had 2 serious dating relationships in my life (I was VERY shy in highschool). But recently it has been brought into the forefront of my life b/c I have been in a relationship w/ a great guy for 4 yrs., and although he is VERY supportive, it has definatly become an issue. But what I am wondering is: Can you have such a paralyzing fear of the pain of first intercourse, that just thinking of that pain alone will cause you to not want to have sex or delay it for as long as possible? Is there anyone out there that feels this way? I know many people on here have religious reasons for abstaining, but I am looking for those who are abstinant out of fear of pain or just fear of the unknown or unfamiliar in general if that makes sense. Anyone?? :o)
deleted_user
deleted_user
thats one of the reasons i do not want to have sex yet.aong other reasons.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Fear can cause sexual problems not to mention dry you up which would make sex painful. I know I'm afraid of someone going too deep and hitting my cervix. I've heard that is really painful and I've had a lot of trauma there.
cowboy357
cowboy357
my first time was her first time too. yes we were both virgins. she had some pain but not enough to stop she enjoyed the sex afterwards and we had sex many times after that.
the cervix I have hit on many women it was a little painful for me but not the women
deleted_user
deleted_user
My advice on this: if he's a great guy...marry him. Then have sex. Foreplay helps a lot. Weman are like a kettle. It takes us awhile to warm up. The more ready you are the less painful it will be. A guy can get hard at the drop of a hat. Wemen have to be ready in their minds first. This doesn't nessarlly start in the bedroom. It does start in the kitchen. When he hugs you and says "I love you". All in all sex can be wonderful. The first time doesn't have to be so bad.
cowboy357
cowboy357
SOME women are like a kettle some are ready to go
cowboy357
cowboy357
my wife & I are very happy together , I just look at her n it's love
deleted_user
deleted_user
In my early teenage years, a few of my older friends shared their experiences with me and told me it was painful, etc...and that scared me a little but I had more reasons to save myself for marriage than just the pain. Still, if the pain does happen and I freak out, etc at least I know it is with someone I love, and someone who is going to spend forever with me. So it would be a beautiful kind of pain, if that makes sense. LoL.
cowboy357
cowboy357
yeah there is a beautiful pain. I used to love pain.
but yeah it makes sense. but why wait for a piece of paper for sex ? if you love him do it
deleted_user
deleted_user
Marrage is more than a piece of paper!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with Miss Butterfly. That is not the kind of attitude (cowboy357) I would expect from someone who is pro-abstinence or of someone who knows true love (especially where you boast about having sex with so many other women). Miss Pisces no amount of advice would make a difference, you do what you feel comfortable with. No regrets :-)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Right on, Fadingaway!

Just think of it like this... at anytime you can be like someone who has had sex. But, they can never be like you again!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am truly appalled at Cowboy357, I cannot believe you would say something like that, but I am not one who can judge. Anyway, Miss Pisces, I have just recently decided to be celibate, I had been having sex for the past 8 years of my life. I lost my virginity at sweet sixteen, and I still remember the experience. Though I do say wait, believe me, but the experience was not painful for me. The guy was very gentle and knew that it was my first time. The "pain" that you may experience, will actually be a good pain. I know that's kind of an oxymoron, but it is true, well for me. And with you waiting for the man you love, the man that you will spend the rest of your life with, I know that it will be okay...God says it will be okay, b/c what you are doing, is what he wants all His children to do.
cowboy357
cowboy357
FADINGAWAY I NEVER BOASTED ABOUT HAVING MANY WOMEN , I TALKED ABOUT HAVING MANY WOMEN BUT NEVER BOASTED ABOUT IT
deleted_user
deleted_user
ridem cowboy.that f**kin peice of paper ruined my lfe.if you want sex then by all means have it.in the end it is just a piece of paper.the bond that matters is the one with god(rubs the dust off butterflys wings) ooooppps guess your grounded
deleted_user
deleted_user
oh dont marry before sex(plucks butterflys wings) if its not good are you going to divorce over it or suffer through lame ass sex. no sex isnt everything,but if your not satisfied are you just going to have affairs
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