I have never relapsed...however, you did what we alkies do. DRINK!!
Don't sweat it. Get back to meetings, get a sponsor, and work the steps! Don't do what you did before. You will get drunk again.

The happiness you seek will come. Work the steps.

Guru

Ok you may not like this but .... you said that you had 15 months of good sobriety but if you picked up a drink there was something wrong with it. You need to look at what was missing from then before you can see how to proceed with getting sober again. It goes without saying that you need to return to AA but it's about what you need to do that you were not doing or had not done before.

You don't mention a sponsor so either talk to her, or, if you haven't got one, you need to get one fast. Meetings will not keep you sober, you can do 90 in 90, you can do 120 in 120 but none of those meetings will keep you sober if you do not engage with and complete the 12 step programme of ACTION.

PM me if you think I can help.

Lyn "

I agree with Lyn ~ meetings are so important especially if you find a good woman's group as part of your meetings. I try to make one at least once a week in order to be able to talk about things that are not that easy when I attend meetings that have both men & woman. I am sure there you would then be able to find the right sponsor ~ Find one that you feel comfortable with that you know will be tough but will also be a friend when you need it. 90 meetings in 90 days and I know that you will feel stronger each day as you continue on your journey . I started to right in a journal to myself as I was doing my 12 steps ~ I found that to be comforting and I was able to vent my true feelings.

I know you can do it~ Hang in there and Get to a meeting ~ If you need to talk or even vent send me a message ~ We are all in this together because we have all been there. Take care and God Bless~ Roe ~

I relapsed continually for about 3 years after admitting I was an alcoholic. I had around 8 months dry once.

The biggest stumbling block for me was believing that I was the one that had to keep myself sober. I had no idea that part of this illness, indeed the crux of this illness, was the utter inability to leave booze alone off my own power.

When the idea that God was keeping alkies sober was introduced to me it baffled me. I really could not see how that could possibly be true, much less be a reality in many people's lives. I clung onto the idea that I had to regroup my efforts, muster my forces and really attack this illness head on.

The alcoholic mind is a tricky business though. It's a bit like a mafia killing, you walk into the situation with the best and most trusted friends in the world, familiar surroundings, sweet promises, a kiss on the cheek and BANG! you are a gonna. The worst enemy is the familiar one that comes with a friendly smile on its face whispering words of reassurance.

The fact for me was this - there were absolutely certain moment (not all the time) that I was unable to see past the idea that a drink looked like a good idea - no matter what had befallen me in the past, no matter how terrible my experiences. Once I conceded that fact to myself, I was able to completely put my life into the hands of a loving forgiving God - I had no choice.

Relapse was a wonderful aid for me in my recovery, I am blessed to have experienced them.

Couple of questions to ask yourself:

1) Were you hanging onto any lurking notions regarding alcohol? Had it really defeated you inside?
2) How honest were you with yourself in the AA programme?
3) Did old ideas creep back in?
4) Were you being diligent about steps 10, 11 and especially 12 (were you carrying the message to alkies outside the fellowship and were you sponsoring inside?).
5) Did you hold onto something during the steps?
6) How was your willingness in step 9?

Just some things to ponder. Forgive yourself and get right back into action. perhaps this defeated feeling you are having is a blessing in disguise.

Anything that can only be 'shared' in a women's meeting has no business being shared in any AA meeting! They are not therapy groups and therefore should not be used as such.

Can relate Serenity, we have mens meetings just to keep 'em out and howling at the door. Tee hee hee

I would like to pass on what my sponser said to me "read step one again and again, because my boy, you are missing something".So i think I read step one about a 1000, times. It kept me sober, and I did descover what I had not accepted. ( my reservation).

many people have relapsed. but what leads up to relapse? many people point to many different things, but the point remains the same, "something was wrong with the way the steps were being worked or not worked" some of my relapses lasted several weeks to several years. but the fact of my relapses was that i was not 100% convinced that i was an alcoholic. deep down somewhere i thought that maybe, just maybe, i could drink like normal people. when that idea was finally smashed, and i knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that i did not drink like normal people, AND was willing to go to any length to achieve and maintain sobriety was when my life changed. its been an adventure, some days better than others. but most of the time i waltzed back in ashamed of myself UNTIL i was ready to be sober for myself. and like i said, after that, my life changed.

Was the obsession ever removed? Because if it was something stopped happening along the way, and if it wasnt then maybe its time to read the directions. What does your sponsor have to say about all this?

Are you doing this on your own? I cant - We Can... Godbless..

I went to 90/90 until I was able to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I went to more Meetings, There are no excuses on why we go out, WE ARE ALCOHOLICS!!!!! this is the disease! telling us Fuk it I am messed up already, No one among us has been able to be Perfect , We are not saints!!! KEEP GOING TO MEETINGS and don't drink in between meetings, it works for me!!

Four days ago and not one response from Melanie. Did you die?

Guru