I read what Alice wrote, it was so sad. I have been here before, even spoke to someone on the phone. It has been a while now and I am still drinking. I always hear about reaching rock bottom and then you are able to begin your way out. I have had so many of them but I always drink to escape my bottoms. I have become an expert at hiding, to protect my family, my job and above all, myself. I lost my dog of fourteen years last year and if not for my new baby, I most likely would have given up on life already but now I have my new baby, I thought she would erase my pain. She has given me reason to go on but the pain is still there. I want to change but at the same time, I don't want to give up the only thing that gives me comfort, alcohol. I can not imagine an entire day without it. I used to be able to go a day without, now, I can't. I don't know where to begin. My mind is a fog and I am so afraid of everything. I am embarassed that I have asked for help here before and have done nothing to follow up. I am scared to go to a meeting, it takes a drink just to go to the store. I feel old, and like my youth is gone and I will never be pretty again. I am 38 and alone, just me and my dog's and afraid that I will never be with a man again. My ex's still try to be with me but they are half the reason I am where I am at. I don't want to be with them but I don't want to be alone anymore either. I know that I am at the end and I have to do something, I just don't know how.
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