When I got sober, I was in a treatment centre and I was asked to write a goodbye letter to alcohol. I thought it was a crazy idea, but I had said that I would go to any lengths to get and stay sober, so I did it. I started out really angry with alcohol and then it turned into the kind of letter you'd write to a lover that you were ending a relationship with.
Alcohol was THE most jealous lover I could ever have; everything in my life that meant anything to me had to go, so that all I was left with was me and a bottle.
In the beginning alcohol held so much promise for me, I thought it would give me confidence, sociability, 'street cred' make me feel grown up, take away my pain, heal the huge gaping hole inside me, make the world seem shiny and new and on and on and on.
And you know what??
I didn't get one of those promises, not one - oh, sometimes it SEEMED like the promises were coming true but it was just an illusion that became delusion and i was trapped in a loveless marriage with a thing that was destroying me, but I couldn't leave - it was like a battered wife that cannot leave the man who is violent.
When I finally realised that I had to end that relationship I found to my horror that I couldn't. Thank God that I found a way to leave it behind for good and all.
BUT, even though I was absolutely desperate to stay sober, there was still a period of grieving. Grieving is an important part of recovery to me, because any loss,has an impact that requires us to grieve and then let go and move on.
I wonder if more people allowed that to happen whether they might actually be ready to embrace a recovered life instead of carrying around a grief they are afraid to share because they worry that members will tell them that means they haven't surrendered yet?