Okay, have to admit that I haven't read all of the Big Book. This sounds strange, but I am sorta afraid to. Not sure why. But I do want and need a sponsor. Maybe they could go through it with me? Everyone keeps saying you have to work the steps, that going to meetings isn't enough. But that is all I am doing at the moment. Anyway, I was at a meeting yesterday and we started reading in the middle of this story (which I haven't read yet) so I don't know what I missed and when we were done reading, I didn't feel the way I ususally feel when I leave meetings (which is always better). That story made me angry because I can't admit to myself that my way doesn't work and that there has actually always been a power greater than myself that has been watching over me (because I should be dead) - my HP is justing waiting for me to do what everone tells me to do - surrender! Then why the f@#^ can't I? I feel insane.
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