so im having a problem with my boyfriend masterbating. let me explain my cool headed side knows its no big deal hes barely done it on average once a month. but i am constantly thinking hes doing it. if he goes to the bathroom i think hes doing it, if i go out i think he cant wait for me to leave so he can do it, if i take a nap i feel like hes doing it and then i will go investigate afterwards its obsessive and feeds into my anxiety big time. ive had some trauma with this my brother (my main abuser) used to make me watch him masterbate and used to make me do it to him or fondled me while he did it my father and uncle used to do it in front of me as well. its made me so uneasy about it and triggers me really bad. i dont know how to convince my whole self it doesnt matter. because i know it doesnt but i cant connect to that knowledge...if that makes sense. im sick of it being this huge deal in my mind and trying to calm myself down and tell myself its not big deal. ive talked to him about it and weve come to an agreement that he will tell me if he does it so i dont have to worry about if he did or didn't but im so ashamed because i know it shouldnt be like this. he did lie to me about doing it and i recently found out which just makes me wonder if he's lying more. he was also sexually abused so hes very ashamed of when he does masterbate he was told its dirty and wrong and bad. so its hard for him too. i want us both to feel better and comfortable. any help would be great! thank you so much for reading. sorry if it was hard to follow my mind is a bit scrambled. hope ya'll are having a most magnificent day <3
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