FallenAngel's Journal

When the grief hits, it hits hard.  I had a really bad day yesterday and spent most of the day in bed sleeping just trying to escape the pain that was so overwhelming.  I seem to be doing a little better today and now have to play catch up on all my chores.  On top of that, my mother has been in the hospital since Friday.  She's doing ok.  Unfortunately she refuses to take her water pill as prescribed and ends up with fluid build up around her heart and lungs.  She's fallen twice in the last two weeks and I've had to get the fire department out to help me get her up.  She's too heavy for me to pick up on my own and has limited use of her legs, so it's all dead weight.  I just don't know how much more her body can take. 

I find myself unable to even think about Gene without breaking down.  The pain is so deep and consuming.  Still haven't touched his clothes or any of his personal things.  I just can't bear the thought of going through it all yet.  

I've managed to get all the firewood moved and stacked.  What a job that was.  But it was another mindless task that kept my mind busy.  Now I've got to start finding things inside to do although raking leaves will keep me busy for quite some time.