Journal

My son nagged and nagged for a wii system.  He con his grandma into getting him one.  Last night he took part of it apart!  He refused to put it back together when I told him to.  I told him not to take things apart but he does it anyway!  His step-dad is going to be furious when he finds out and don't need the drama!  I've told people not to get him nice things be cause he ruins them!

I hate this stupid world!  No is going to change that.  I thought about becoming a hardcore alcoholic but I wouldn't mess with that wine bullshit that killed my mother.  I would drink hard alcohol like rum, vodka, schnapps and stuff like that.  It would shorten my life considerably and maybe while I'm drunk, I would feel better for awhile.  I wouldn't do it like my mom did.  I would drink while noone was home and be sober at night so I could function.  I wouldn't drink until the chores were done so the house wouldn't be messy like when I was young.  Of course I wouldn't drink and drive.

Those deep depressions I have are horrible but even when I'm not in one, I'm still not happy. The meds just keep me functioning like some kind of robot.  I'm just tired of it all.

It is rain outside and my son is being a pain.  My husband ran off to help his oldest son build something.  They rarely listen to me.  People would say to me, "make them listen!"  That doesn't work!  What I am I suspose to do?  Get a whip and beat them to they do as they say?  I'm tired of fighting people.  I don't have will anymore.  I'm not lazy.  It is just that many things don't matter to me.  I've lost the will to make a huge effort.