childofgrace's Journal

Once again I've fallen into that pit... and it's so hard to get out.  Why is it that while I'm in that dark pit I forget all that I've accomplished so far?  I once heard a saying..it was..." I'm not where I want to be, but at least I'm not where I used to be".  From now on that's my moto.

I'm determined to make a better life for my kids and me, and I have to keep thinking positive. Things could be worse, I know that.

The kids and I used to get out of the house and do something active, like walking on the hiking trails in the canyon, lately we've just stayed in the house. I think that was a big mistake, we all feel so much better out in the sunlight.

I'm going to do whatever it takes to get my life together, and be happy. Someone once said that I have to learn to be happy where I am now, or I'll never really be happy... maybe they were right. I keep thinking one day I'll be happy, one day I'll have a good job...

Today I watched this show on HBO , I can't think of what it was called, but it was about christians in America. This woman went around visiting different churches. It made me remember why I used to go to church. In the first church ( Lakewood- Joel Osteen) they were singing " I am a friend of GOD". I felt like crying... I used to love singing that song. The last few times I've been to church I didn't feel the way I use to... I didn't feel that love and acceptance that I used to feel. But now I'm wondering if it was because of me and the hurt feelings I have because I lost my babies.... am I seperating myself from GOD unintentionally? I keep thinking GOD doesn't care about me, that He's left me, but maybe HE's waiting on me. I'm going to try going to a different church and see how it goes, I have to make an effort to get my life back on track.