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itsmestacy 
11:38am, November 9, 2008
Hey Everyone! I haven't written in awhile because I haven't been on. I am in an outpatient program which is every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 12PM - 3:30PM for a total of 6 weeks. This should help me conquer my anxiety / depression / OCD or at least give me the coping skills needed and meds so I will feel great again! I just want to thank all of you for the messages and hugs that have been given. It is appreciated greatly. I will try to come on more often!! Love ya!
What a bad past 3 days....Saturday I went to the Emergency Room because I was having problems breathing. I have bronchitus and my anxiety which doesn't help. I thought so much I was going to die that I said my goodbyes to my boyfriend. It'a amazing how strong your mind is to make yourself think things because obviously I am still here. Sunday I slept mostly. And then Monday came and I cried all the way to my job. I didn't even make it in the driveway. I turned around and called my boyfriend and he couldn't come back because he had court (he's a lawyer). So I drove 2 hours up to my moms house just so I could be with someone. She calmed me down and made me feel better. Then I had to go to work this morning. It was the hardest thing I have done in a very long time. But, I made it....the whole day :) I am very proud of myself. Hopefully tomorrow will be a tiny bit easier :)
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"Sigh" What a day. I woke up twice in the middle of the night with anxiety attacks. I had another one on the way to work, and then at work I went through a cloud of depression. I was supposed to go to a class afterwork but couldn't. I was lucky to make it through the day at work. I just feel like I'm "alive" but not living. I never think about suicide but often wonder why I'm still here because life is hard. Then I think about the people that have it worse. I don't think about suicide but have the fear that my meds will cause me to think about suicide. LOL. Does that make sense. Anyway, I want to live to have a family of my own, and grow old with my boyfriend James. I came home, Got a binder out from a cognitive therapy class I took a little over a year ago...and I"m going to relearn how to think positively again. Hopefully I will sleep better tonight :)
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that makes perfect sense - it's called circular reasoning. It can over take your sense of well being and lead to anxiety and depression - you can over come it:)
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You are so very strong.I cannot believe that you work.As much as I want to return to work and be normal I am just too anx in the morning after constantly waking up early then I get depressed and suicidal.You truly are a tower.I too feel like am alive but not living.You are not alone xx
Past Entries
| September 2007 |
Tuesday, 9/04
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August 2007 |
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Wednesday, 8/29
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Tuesday, 8/28
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Monday, 8/27
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Sunday, 8/26
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Sunday, 8/26
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Wow what a day huh? Well that is good that you have someone at least to be there for you.Eventhough she is far from you. Well, look you made it to her house! That is an accomplishment. Anyways I am glad that you are okay.
stacypetersen25