Journal

I know I have not been around much at all here in the past who knows how many months. Since I have gone MIA many changes have taken place. More good ones then bad ones. But, I have learned my true strength doing so.

I've been dating a so far so good wonderful man for almost five months now.  I have learned that yes at times I am dearly scared of a REAL HEALTHY relationship.  I get crass with him when he gets up and starts cleaning my room, or when he makes my bed, folds my laundry fresh from the dryer. The small things my ex never did the whole time we was together. Those little things you always wished they would help out with. But, got so use to doing it on your own that you can't handle someone else doing it. Sounds wrong don't it. He told me one day I was being 'ignorant' for making him stop cleaning my room. I came at him very crass. His words where "if you would have let me do it an hour ago, you wouldnt be doing it now"... I was floored in so many ways due to it. But, what more can I do.. So I am trying too allow him to step in and do things for me.  *I have tried to pull away, or push him away, everytime he manages to pull me back with a struggle.. 

Since I have always had a hard time opening my mouth on things that bug me and etc.. I sat down and did what I do best. I wrote him a letter, I know it sounds so childish but,  you have to find away to open those doors. No matter how small or big they are you gotta open them.  I did my best not to go into all the crap I went thru with my ex. I just used the words "a flower must go thru much dirt before she blooms" to help explain what i'd been thru. As well as, me trying to adjust to our relationship... I just got home from sneaking into his place and leaving by his resting spot.

The boys and him get a long so well. They both seem to like him. At first both of them had a hard time adjusting to mom dating.  My oldest called him a jerk every chance he had. I asked him why, his words where "every man is a jerk until i say so" he's still overly protective of me.. But, he seen all I went thru before and I feel he has the right to to be this way. But, on the same hand I want him to trust my judgement. As I told him, before I allowed them all to meet. That I wanted time to see if he's worth our time before you all meet. That wasnt good enough. 

My youngest son and him play together unlike his father ever did/does with him.  When we veg out in my bed {when he stays} my youngest feels he must lay between us. If we kiss in front of him, he's all over brian {the guy I am dating}  saying "huggie huggie" and wraps his little arms around him.. Its so cute!

Well peps, since I am a night owl now. working the night shift.. time has come for me to head off to bed and sleep away the day light hours.. 

Love

Miss 

Classic

Wow what a year it has been {for all of us} So many changes, in so many differnt places how could we all go wrong for next year?

Time has been for the most my issue not enough  of it on my end.. If I could buy more time, I so would.  

Buts anyways.... I've been working like a dog nights, making cash and getting my life in full order. Still a few things that need to done, but they will happen when the time is right!

My ex is still a dirt bag in and out of jail, he uses the reason "I have to work" for not seeing his son! This even goes for his b-day, {no bday calls} thanksgiving, xmas.. He works at fracking McD's! yeah where he could get the time off.. But, he dont want too..  He says he 'might' get raven for the xmas holiday. but more than likey he wont. in which means daddy isnt spending a dime on his son again this year.. last year he was to get his son, but did a no call no show.. i had to deal with the tears but i have not and will not say a word to raven this year about his father might see you on xmas... 

I started a new relationship a lil over two months ago...  its going wonderfully slow and i couldnt ask for anything better! {so far so good} I find myself still a bit in fear of a relationship after all i have been thru but I do breathe rather well while in this one.. I just take it day by day and dont feed too much into it all..  

But thats about all! its wrestling season again, so i will be dbl busy with meets on the weekends! 

Peace

N

Love

Beth

THE TUMOR IN MY MA'S HEAD ISNT CANCER AND ITS ABOUT THE SIZE OF A MOLE..

THEY ARE GOING TO LEAVE IT THERE UNTIL SHE STARTS HAVING PROBLEMS OR TILL IT STARTS GROWNING ETC.. 

SO MY MUM WILL BE AROUND TO KICCK MY ARSE FOR MANY MANY MANY MORE YEARS!!