Things somewhat better, but I can't …
Things somewhat better, but I can't get rid of this constant feeling of just wanting to run away. I'm just drained & …
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AngelEyezz 
8:19am, October 7, 2009
Have been feeling rather "numb" this few weeks. Just existing and getting through the days. I am just so exhausted with my head going round and round constantly.
I know what is causing it though ... I have been deemed as able to work by a company employed by the NHS.
As the NHS have no money, they are doing this to everyone in the UK who is on Sickness Benefit, unless they have a life threatening illness..... my doctor has informed me of this.
We now have £100 per week less money coming in to our household, and it is just blowing my anxiety throw the roof!! I am lucky enough to have no debt, but cant see us coping for too long, as we are using our savings to get by.
I have "drawn my belt in" on spending money, til I cant breath, so nothing else can be done in the meantime, and have been trying my best to STOP MYSELF FROM THINKING the worst case scenario. My head is just blowing things out of proportion, but am TRYING SO HARD TO BLOCK THIS !!
I have appealled again their decision, and my doctor said he will back me up, saying I have tried for years to fight my anxieties and depression, so have him on my side. I have had to up my meds to cope with the anxiety, but all they are doing is making me feel so tired.
There is nothing I would love more than to be able to go back to work, I was DEVESTATED when I had to give up my Secretary's job of 21 years, it lost me my identity and confidence, and my self esteem went rock bottom.
It has taken me 15 years of educating myself how to deal with my conditions, and now, this is just going to push me back to square one again, and all my hard work has just gone down the drain.
When these things happen, you just wonder why!! I know we all have things happen, and I know it could be worse, and have also thought, it may make me more aware of what I do with my money, and just not take too much for granted.
I have wanted to write this for weeks, but just couldn't. until today. I am calm, and didnt want to write this when I was angry, as I have done in my private entries. So will look back at this shortly, and see what has come out of this mixed up head of mine.
Remember Beth ... dont let your mind blow things out of proportion ... dont allow this to happen, as you know it will just rule your thoughts and you will become paranoid.
Well, you did it .... you vented, but not in anger, but sensibly.
Beth xx
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First, thank you for the hug today. It is the special people that can reach out when they are needing themselves to share with a stranger. May your situation change for the better quickly and know that even when things are tough; tought times don't last,tough people (and good people may I add) do....
Your friend
Phil
pgreen
hi my precious true angel friend,
you have alway's been there for me and alot other's.
somehow in my mind i had a feeling about you for a
short while.
i know you don't like to vent out loud,but sometimes
it's good to.as i'm glad you have this time.i can
understand what you feel like and i'm proud of you,
that you could control this until a good day.i must
say i'm not alway's so strong myself.i use to be,but
thing's get in your way as it has for you.
keep apealing this.it's so great you have the dr.on
your side and know's your history.if you have any
other dr's that my help your situation ask them.by
having your med's upped should tell them something.
i don't think it's fair to have to go into your
life saving's and they should know that too.
i'm afraid i'm not sure how thing's work in the uk.i
just hope it work's out for you.
listen to you want me to get my penquin's out after
them.lol please let me know how it work's out i'm
here for you.in fact you will have to read my new
journal.lol
hug's to an angel,dianey xx oo
momf333
Thanks so much Phil and Diane for your kind comments.
These words mean so much to me, as I find it near impossible to let people know I have problems of any kind.
I did want to wait til I was composed, which I am glad I was able to do. It is not in my nature to be an angry person, but I AM angry about this situation.
Much Love
Beth xxxxxxxxx
AngelEyezz