Journal

Well I am doing ok, I have my moments of thinking bad thoughts about what can or can't happen but remind myself there is no point as I wont know till I am at a point to consider trying.  I have also decided to do something drastic, I am getting at tattoo of a dolphin on my ankle so that I can look at it whenever I am having bad thoughts, also it can remind me that there are people worse off then me and I should spare a thought for them instead of be upset about what is happening with me. 

Did have a good experience over the weekend though, I am now into week 9 after my laparoscopy and I have finally been able to stop sleeping with a cushion to stop the discomfort of going to sleep on my side.  I had queried the fact I needed the cushion with the gyno and at first he said once I finally got rid of the gas I shouldn't need the cushion, but because it continued I asked him again and he said it could be a result of internal bruising (I guess having adhesions cut off your bowel and abdominal wall and your bowel being put back in place could cause that  :) ) so I guess the internal bruising has settled or disappeared because I now have my bed to myself again and the large cushion has been stuck in another room..  Yay.. 

I am going through a lot of different emotions at the moment..  Half the time I am thrilled and other other half I get depressed.  I know it will pass but I just need to figure things out for myself..

I have always had problems with my periods and nobody has ever done anything about it.  The doctor I had growing up never bothered with it and I went on the pill so things got a bit better.  The pill stopped working and I had massive breakthrough bleeding that was constant.  The doctor made sure I wasn't pregnant and just changed the pill.  He didn't seem to think there was an issue. 

The new pill worked for a while but then I started getting heaps of pain and I went to see a new doctor.  He ran tests, he sent me for ultrasounds and there was blood on the outside of the uterus so he sent me to a gyno, that gyno said there was nothing wrong, that every 4 - 5 months I would have a more painful period as the body had to get rid of that blood.  He said that if things got worse I should go back and see him but there was nothing to worry about. 

He has since moved away.

My doctor changed my pill and things worked ok for a while with every 4th or 5th period being more painful as the gyno had said. 

My doctor suspected endometriosis but could only go with what the gyno had said. 

After a while I got really sick and had some additional problems that could have been a result of the pill so the pill was yet again changed.  I every now and then had problems and if I stopped taking the pill I would bleed constantly, in regards to the pain thanks to the pill although my periods were painful and I would curl up in pain they were nothing compared to what they had been like before I went on the pill.  So I coped..  I once had to stop taking the pill for a hormone test and I bleed for an entire month only to stop a coiuple of days before my period, I got my period and I continued bleeding continuously again..  My doctor had me start back on the pill and double it up for the month and that was the only way to stop the bleeding..  If I accidently missed a pill I would bleed up to my period, have my period and then it would go back to normal when the next lot of pills started. 

After all this I figured that it must have been normal because besides my doctor noone else seemed to think there was anything wrong.  So I just put up with it all. 

Then about 5 months ago my period started getting more painfull again, the bleeding pattersn were changing even though I was on the pill, it was getting heavier again and I was suddenly getting lower back pain which I had never had before.  As these things were getting worse over a few months my doctor said enough was enough, I had to see another gyno.  The only problem there was no one was interested in seeing me for a few months.  I ended up at the hospital in pain but they gave me pain killers and sent me home saying it wasn't an urgent thing, by this stage I was in constant pain even though I didn't have my period, the pain got worse and I started vomitting from the pain but still the hospital sent me away saying there was nothing urgent about my case. 

By this stage I couldn't stand up straight, I couldn't stand in one spot for a minute without feeling nauseous.  I arranged with my doctor for a script for a different pill and waited for my period to start so I could change. By this stage I had been on 4 different pills over a period of 10 years.  I was about to start my 5th different pill, but finally someone was listerning to my problems.

I ended calling around all the gynos in my local area and found one willing to see me the next day.  He just shook his head when I told him my history and what people had said in the past.  He had me booked in for surgery the next week.  By this stage I had my period and I got to start the new pill, the pain eased but not fully.  After the surgery I felt no pain at all, well besides the incisions :).  It was the best feeling ever.

I went and saw the gyno a few days after the surgery and he took out my stitches, he said it was definately endometriosis, he said it had caused secondary adhesions and my bowel had actually been stuck to the wall of my abdomen instead of in its proper spot.  He showed me pictures of the areas affected and what he had had to cut out and where he had burn stuff off. 

He then advised that if I was to continue getting my period and ovulating I would continue having problems so he suggested I consider getting Depo Provera injections every 8 weeks.  I went away thinking about this only to call him the next week as I was still bleeding heavily after the surgery as though I had my period, no more time to think I had to get the injections.  I got it last Thursday for the first time. 

The bonus is I apparently don't have to worry about my period anymore, the down side is I am worried about the effect on my being able to have kids as I really want them.  Hence my emotions are up and down at the moment. 

I know that because they cleared everything out and they took the endometriosis off the ovary and the fallopian tube where it was sitting out off everything else that I should be ok, and that I should have no problems, but I also think about how they say 30% - 40%  of women with endometriosis have trouble or are unable to have kids and no one can tell who will be effected and why they are and others aren't and I feel down.  So I keep trying to just think about the fact that I could be in the  60% - 70% that will have no problems and I can go from the girl in the group with the worst stories of period pain, etc to the one saying "period problems, what periods"  and then I am all positive again. 

I know me and when I have moved on from the emotional point of finally knowing that its not just me, there was something wrong and it is now being managed by my new gyno, who is the greatest as far as I am concerned now..  I will be able to just wait and see what the future holds for me and be ok...