The Bullet
August 18, 2009 1:25am
So I have the bullet that killed Doug. I don't know if I journaled that already or not. The contractor pulled it out of the bathroom wall. I have …
Goal Completed on Jan 20, 09
Bloomingflower
11:34pm, August 9, 2009
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About Me
Bloomingflower
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About Me
My wonderful son Brendan- I love this picture. He's six in this picture, but 24 now!
My wonderful son Brendan- I love this picture. He's six in this picture, but 24 now!
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Interests
my cats, Golden Retrievers, walking, history, field hockey, my kids.
my cats, Golden Retrievers, walking, history, field hockey, my kids.
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Recent Activity
- Sorry, there is no activity in the My Activity feed.
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Journal
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exhausted
August 15, 2009 3:32pm
Laying on the couch, exhausted. Working a split shift today and not really feeling like going back for the second half. Work is wearing me …
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closure or torture?
July 1, 2009 11:07pm
I have been both too busy and too detached to journal the last couple of months. Work is a bitch and it won't slow down until …
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Random weirdness
April 30, 2009 10:56pm
He got a parking ticket in March. Only thing is, he's dead. Died in January, so not sure how he got a parking ticket.
They also said …
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major milestone
April 3, 2009 11:40pm
OK I made it through the traumatic thing I had to do at work.I work at an historical park and I supervise people who fire black powder weapons …
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Hugbook
Chocolate
hi,
sending you some sweets and hugs today. Hope you are doing well!
Hug
Dang!!!!! I had just walked in the kitchen to get my dinner. I will be on if you get back here, I MISS YOU!!!! Hope your world is righting itself in a wonderful way. HUGS.
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Hug
thanks for the kind words, it was a hard journal entry to write, but one that needed to be written.
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Hug
hi,
Its been a few days since ive been on here. How are things with you??? I still would love to connect one day for dinner/lunch? hugs -
Hug
hi, praying you have a great day today! I am sorry I havent called to get together, busy week trying to get the kids ready for school.
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Physical & Emotional Abuse
Bloomingflower hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Close Breakups & Divorce
Been there. Done that. Got the Tshirt.
Treatments
- Couples Counseling Not Working
- did not work, because he refused to go. He felt there was no need 'to triangulate a conversation when we could just sit down and talk'. I thought he was just an angry person but as it turns out, that happens to be a sign of major depression. I had no idea.
- Forgiveness Working / Worked
- I forgave him in my head because I knew that something was seriously wrong with him. I told myself I would never, ever forget the mean side of him. Then he killed himself.
- Leave Working / Worked
- I am getting myself back.
- Love Working / Worked
- I wrote these words before he died: it was one-sided- don't think he's capable of real love or affection. Like a psycopath/narcissist, only without the criminal behavior. Really convinces himself that what he believes about our marriage is The Truth. (Now I know, he was very ill for a very long time).
- Pets Working / Worked
- My dogs and cats are good therapy.
- Reading Not Working
- I used to love reading murder mysteries and true crime novels, but once he shot himself I lost interest in them. Seeing what someone looks like after they put a bullet their head has that effect on a person.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- My sister and her husband have been wonderful. Patient with me even though I went through this once (and went back) last year to 'try and make it work'. No desire to go back to Hell now!
- Talking Working / Worked
- But only when I feel like talking.
- Time Too Soon to Tell
- The fifteen months away from him were an amazing experience. I feel like I got my soul back. But then he died. So I am kind of back to square one, but healing day by day.
Open Single Parenting
Left my husband for the second and last time after enduring eight years of subtle and not-so subtle verbal, emotional, and eventually physical abuse. I just wanted peace in my life, and to set a positive example for my daughter. I stayed in the relationship way longer than I should have, but since it was my second marriage I think that's why I hung in there. I had thought I could change him but it was not to be. Now he will have nothing to do with her- punishing her b/c I took a stand.
Open Parenting 'Tweens (9-12)
Bloomingflower hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Military Families
My two sons are currently in Iraq-members of the same MP company. They were college students looking for a way to pay for tuition- joined the National Guard, and BOOM now they are in Baghdad. Whatever happened to student loans?! Anyway I am very proud of them, but lose a lot of sleep. So much for that Private Ryan thing...the Army had no problem shipping them out together.
Open Families & Friends Affected By Suicide
My estranged ex-husband killed himself, because he was distraught over losing money in internet dating scams. I have a 10-year old daughter with no dad now.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- Thank God for good friends.
- Writing Too Soon to Tell
Open Widows & Widowers
I lost my husband to suicide. I had left him over a year before because of his anger issues. I never dated, just hoped he'd come around and finally agree to counseling and therapy. He never did. I never stopped loving him, or at least the man I knew he was beneath the layers. When he died it stopped me in my tracks. I have so many mixed feelings.
